Still here

As it turns out, I still love my job. No wait, I love my career... the job? Well, it's a job. Between the perfectionistic boss who takes waffling to an all new level and drama queens who imagine their lives are the center of attention at all times, you can just imagine how much this Scorpio yearns to go off on these people.

I mean honestly, do you really think I care if I have 1 more appointment than you or you have a vichy and I have a body wrap to do? Oh, and let's not forget the person who is terminally twelve or the other who is G's gift to humanity.

Give me a break.

Now on to recent lessons from the table.

If you are going in for a massage, do NOT wear the giant underpants thing. I truly do not give a crap about your ass. When you see 6 to 9 nude people daily and every single one of them has an ass, your's certainly isn't remarkable. Don't get me wrong. I understand modesty. That's what the linens are for. You will still be covered at all times. Unless of course you have two asses or something.

Come to think about it, I did work on someone the other day who seemed to have their ribcage put on backward. That was pretty remarkable.

On the brighter side, I have met some pretty amazing people. Both at work and as clients. Just amazing.

The guitar store is up and going. As I feared, this is a slow process but it grows every day. We have lots of interest and a couple of people who are as determined as we are to make this a success. Now we have decided to put more inventory in the store, such as nicknaks and apparel for the ladies who are shopping with their guitar nut guys.

It's all going to work out for the best, and if it doesn't, at least we are in a place where it will be tolerable to be broke instead of living in an urban hell. Life can't be all bad when you have fishing out your back door. :)

better... but not perfect?

It took me a long time to calm down after the last blog. Times being what they have become, I have to accept things without the rose colored tint of my Pollyanna world. That sucks. But it's at least real.

So dear daughter went wedding dress shopping without her momma. She is independent and headstrong, and hurts me without knowing it. I suppose it will always be that way. I would not want her to be clingy, but just a little clingy would be ok. One thing I will say, having older children and having children still at home has taught me to appreciate each and every time they still need their mom.

At least as long as Grey's Anatomy isn't on tv.

KIDDING. Hey! Easy on the groans.

So hubby is agonizing over the Chiefs game, I am having a glass of wine, blogging to the ethers, and wishing the holidays were over, youngest son is in kid-bubble world. All is better.

But not perfect.

Well. That's that.

And that's just what it is. I am furious. I am steaming. I am righteously pissed off right now. It's not my fault, not my problem, and all my fault and all my problem. . . all wrapped up in a shit colored box complete with a crappy fucking bow.

Issue #1. There is a situation in my family that warrents attention, however I can't even address it because there is no solving it. Certain people have allowed their collective lives to become a swirling storm of horror all due to laziness. I won't be there for the hearing. I don't want to be there for the hearing because I am not sure the "system" is wrong at this point. Unfortunately there was a set of circumstances put in motion 8 years ago and now the (one of the) climax(s) is coming to fruition. I can guarantee this will not be the conclusion, only a drama point on the time-line.

Issue #2. Weddings. Mothers and daughters. It's all bullshit.

She actually said it was not fair of me to put a guilt trip on her about this?

Excuse the fuck out of me?

WHAT?

Goddamn it her genetic code is ringing true. All I asked was to come and shop with me here. She's the one that asked me to help choose the dress. She also said she could come during Xmas break. Now it's too far? NOW? Like my location slide farther away over a two week period? All because she doesn't want to pay to have the dress altered. Not even if I write the check for it. Nothing is worth her time to come here. Not even her mom. And now it's called a guilt trip if I even mention it.

Well thanks for the reality check.

But as I have learned, they all feel that way. All will go out of their fucking way for each other but if it comes to me oh FUCK no. Will anyone in my family actually see the life I am building here? Do they even want to see the home I found on my own and the town that I will live out my life in? Will any of them actually give a flying shit that I have survived two house fires, a divorce, two back surgeries, educated myself on my own goddamn dime, made my way alone to a new career, let alone birthing 5 children to this world that grow up to honor their father and ignore their mother?

Hell no. It's all bullshit. And that's that.

Home or something like it

Living in the midwest hill country is interesting. I hesitate to call them hillbillies (the locals, that is) but somehow it just fits like an old comfy coat. The speech is rugged. The style is coarse. The common sense is either deep or shallow but not so much in between. I think I will fit in just fine. HA.

I have been at the Lake for almost a month now. Little Jamaica was not as bad as I thought it would be, but still I am glad to be out of there. Living with co-workers is just a bad idea all the way around. No maybe about it. Bad. Damn bad. So bad it could be a tee-shirt... "if your co-worker asks you to move in just say NO!" Yeah, it is like a relationship that never should have gotten past the third drink OR the ride home. Chalk that one up to another life lesson.

Maybe I should put that in my up coming best seller "The Idiots Guide to Surviving Crisis". Ya think?

Back to the story... the Lake is awesome. The lifestyle is slow. People are either genuinely nice because they are local or genuinely in a good mood because they are on vacation here. Not bad. At all.

I found a house to live in. Well Roomie #1 found it. She rented half of it (it's a duplex) and I took the other half. Keep in mind I love my buddy, I just don't want to live with her. I will however gladly be her neighbor. She rented the half I liked the best. It felt more normal in layout than the right half, but hey, that's cool. Then she backed out. oops. Yes. You're right. I took the left half. It was "home" the minute I walked in the door. The only problem? I didn't tell her I did it. Not even when she volunteered to let the cable guy in while I was at work. Not even when I handed her my key and said "thanks!".

Yeah. I. Am. A. Real. Shit.

Deal.

It wasn't that bad. It was funny when we talked about it later. She tried to let the cable guy into the wrong side, all the while posing as me since they would not hook it up with out me being there.

I'm sure they thought she was on drugs.

:)

Changes

Changes seems to be what my life is about. As I write this, I am on a borrowed computer in the middle of Missouri, getting ready to start a new job today, struggling with transferring my son into a new school, living in a place known as "little Jamaica", and not liking any of it too much at this point.

Yes, I took the job at the spa. Yes, I thought when I put my start date as 10/13 it was far enough in the future arrangements would not be a hassle. How utterly wrong I was.

The (second) house burned 9/29. It was not a total loss, but after surviving the first burn, I would rather it all be gone than to have strangers digging through my underwear drawer, boxing my personal items, and everyone saying the same thing over and over and over. This is harder. Definitely.

So Hubby is living in the city with a co-worker, I am living in the country with a co-worker, and all that serves to do is make the hard shit harder and the simple things a pain in the ass. Insurance will rebuild the home. Insurance has all our stuff boxed in a warehouse somewhere in Olathe with the promise they can clean it. Insurance is supposed to be paying all our "Extra" living expenses. Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen. Don't they realize EVERYTHING is extra right now?

So I deal with dial-up, a nine year old boy that will be a captive in a shoddy apartment, and a husband that stresses pretty easily.

Just tell me it's gonna work out.

The Spa

On Monday I took a roadtrip and went down to Lake of the Ozarks. Really pretty country down there. Still looks very rural but its just because the trees are so thick you can't see the houses. And of course the roads are twisty-windy so I was lost the entire time, but its pretty just the same.

I had my interview, actually two interviews, at the Spa. Come to find out it is rated best of the mid-west and deal pretty much with an exclusive clientel. They have 9 therapists on staff and are looking to hire 3 more right away, with the plans to hire several more over the next couple of years due to expansion. Apparently they can't keep up with the demand as it is.

Both my interviews went well. It was actually the easiest job interview I have ever had. It felt more like just a gab session than a professional interview. Everyone was extremely nice, very up front and outgoing and even tho it was in a million $$ spa, it was homey at the same time. Kinda caught me off guard.

I had to do a massage as part of my time there. It seemed to go quite well. I ended up giving the lead therapist a full body massage, and she was pleased. She got off the table when it was done and told me I was "fabulous". :) Woohoo for me!

Plans were she would call me Wednesday morning and let me know the decision (that's today). When I got home from work yesterday there was a message on my phone, "Hi, I know I am supposed to call you tomorrow, but I wanted to let you know today that we want to offer you the position if you want it. I will call you in the morning."

Shit. Now the dilemma starts.

Yesterday morning at my current work, the owner tells me I am now hired full time on the clock. No weekends (unless its a special event) and my clients are still my priority. Totally out of the blue. I never saw this one coming at all. She has been pushing me to work weekends but she totally revamped the whole plan and gave me fulltime to boot. Shit.

In my current job I will not advance as a therapist as rapidly as I would if I were in a spa situation. The big problem is I am really happy there. I like doing many different things like refinishing furniture, painting, cooking for events, working in the salon and boutique, AND being a budding MT.

At the spa I will get free training to lots of new modalities like Japanese Hot Stone, Vichy Showers, Seaweed Wraps, Green Tea Wraps, and the list goes on. Plus I will work really hard meaning I will be responsible for at least 5 to 6 mssgs a day. Not that I can't, but that is really hard on your body, especially at first.

Here the son is really happy in school. He is in after school activities, his best bud lives just up the street, his bus stops at my door to take him to school, we still have easy access to the rest of the family.

Shit.

The hubby is all about the move. He sees the real estate prices (they are really affordable compared to the city) and we both would like to live away from neighbors again. Will that ever happen here? No. There? Yes.

Dilemma #2. Hubby just got offered a position that involves a $12G raise. Plus insurance. But that means he stays here if I leave.

Ok, I am ready to get struck by lightening. Taking off my tin foil hat for better access. I will even take a metal rod and stick it in the ground. Hopefully after 80 million volts blowing my shoes off I will be able to make a decision about this.

Obviously I don't know which way to go.

Fire Engine Red

Yes, I am getting my inspiration for this entry from my sister in Alaska. Jody talked about living life as a "fire engine red", and suggested I am the same.

Am I? ~~and she wanders off into the land of introspection~~

I would probably have to agree. We both are FER women. We neither were born that way, only became it through many - many, many miles of challenge. Our lives have not paralleled on the surface, but rather in a cosmic, psychic kinda way. Getting knocked in the teeth only serves to bring on the really red behavior. My family learned a long time ago when they see that particular look in my eyes after trauma/heartache/challenge, whoa baby.... look out. My friends (currently) don't really know that side of me, except for maybe Jan who needs to be nominated into the exclusive FER Woman Club herself.

Now don't for a second think that it involves stereotypical "redhead" hot temper or even thoughtlessness. FER women (or so it seems to me) have an inate and deep sense of what they need out of life, and tend to go for the gusto of it all. This at times can and will be excruciating for them and possibly their significant others. Not in a pleasant way either.

But let me tell ya.... It's worth it!

I like it, my new moniker. So in honor of my new position in life, I am going on a job interview next week at a resort three hours away from my current home. I have no idea how it will all work, only that it will if they choose me. I know it will because I am a Fire Engine Red, and I wear it with pride.

It's true

Yes, it's true. I am back. After my conversation with Jody today I realized something pretty important. My silence here does nothing but say... nothing. Hey look, we all know bloggers are a truck load of psycho-bable crap, and we just want to write out what is currently up the collective ass of the moment. So bear with me, or better yet, get comfy, pour a stiff one, light another one, or as I read in a bathroom in one of KC's better juke joints... roll em tight and smoke em slow, and get on the band bitch train as I pull out of the station.

All aboard!

So what's up with communication these days? Everyone I know speaks to everyone they know with disdain. Even "loving couples" treat each other like lepers. Is it just the dog days of August? Is it global warming (and how 'bout that effing global warming?)? I even stuck a toe in the water tonight and told the king of my household harmony he was treating me ... well let's just say badly.

How did that go?

Well, it is 12:25 a.m. and I am blogging. What does that tell ya?

I admit it. I am as guilty as the next bitch about it. I don't want to be nice and at times I just want to be left alone. Then that minute passes and I want to be all snuggly again. Seems there are a whole lot of us that are not getting on the same page. Hell I just wish I knew what page everyone else was on and I would try to get close.

It must be the heat. Or being broke. Or being up in the air about where life is going. Or the uncertainty of a job prospect. Or the fact that I have to take yet another damn test to continue my career in another state.

Yes, I'm bloggin', and I ain't quittin'.

How's that for proper english? does it show my tiny-town ejucashun?

yehaw... here I go again! See? I told you I wouldn't be gone so long.

Sunday was the last Blue Sunday for the Kansas City Blues Society. Hubby's band was playing and we all melted as he pounded away on the guitar, because you know, it was only about 500 degrees that day. Ok, it was 103, but it felt like burnin' hell.

A few observations I made about the crowd...

Don't wear black when hell's doors are open... bad plan.
If you must wear a see-through dress, wear undergarmets. (duh)
Age can be your friend if you let it.
Age can be your enemy if you insist on acting like an idiot. Example: when you are over, say 60, generally your hair is graying, not coal black with an impossible ponytail. Your fake fingernails, your tatooed eye liner, and your insipid insistance that you meet my husband will not endear you to me. Especially when you point out to him I'm really not out meeting strange men at strange hours.

Ok, I am ranting about that one. The newest ploy to make quick cash is tutoring for budding MT's, and this woman (I use the term loosely) is probably with out a doubt the largest irritation I have had in a great while. She marched her self over to my man and in front of people I knew and more that I didn't, she says "I had to meet you so you would know she is not out meeting strange men."

Jeezus woman.... If you hadn't just paid me $70 I would have knocked your damn pony tail in the gutter.

On a different subject. There is a job interview happening in Mehama Oregon in a couple of weeks. A certain member of my family is taking part in that event. Oregon Department of Forestry seems highly interested...

More to come....

Back from hiatus

Yes, it has been a looong time since I was here. Lot's going on, lot's I should have blogged about, but hey, you know how it is.

So since I was here last....

Business is slow. Nothing new there. I am getting some regular clients but have learned that 35 to 40 clients is not nearly enough to make a living. You really need closer to 300 to 350 to make a go of being a professional therapist and calling it your only job. As it stands right now, I am fighting to make a buck anywhere I can. Sorta stresses the shit out of me. Hubby still has his day job, and thank the stars for that one. But just like everyone else in the world today, we walk on a razor edge and pray that nothing happens that would force us to spend one extra dime.

The band got picked up by a national promoter. We are still waiting to hear what he has in store for us. It has been only a couple of weeks since they signed the contract, the bass player is sure it is a rip-off, but he doesn't want to go out on the road anyway... so what does he know. I hope like hell it works out. It would make our life so much easier to have that kind of cash infusion. I just worry that it will be too much to hold down for him to keep a full time job, and travel every weekend.

We have been going to the city market on Sunday's to the blues concerts. Man there are some really out there people. Probably the strangest (grossest) thing I saw was this really ragged guy that was wearing a tampon as an earring. WTF??????? That is just too much to understand. Then there is the gentleman that parades this woman around on his arm, her obviously paid for, and he acts like he is showing off the family jewels. damn man. .... reality check. Everybody knows where you got her, especially when she opens her mouth and the russian accent is so heavy no one can understand what the hell she says.

well duh.

At work we are thinking about putting together an antique show for the fall. That should be fun, however I can see what kind of work it would be from past experience on a very small scale. *K* hasn't done anything like that before, but as long as she continues to write me a check, I will do anything.

Oh yeah, I gotta remember to buy a lottery ticket today since I don't think I have any long lost relatives that are wanting to just flood me with $$.

Wouldn't it be cool to win? maybe not but I really want to give it a shot...

more later... promise... I won't be gone so long anymore.