As I sit here with my morning coffee, my heart is just not in it to write. Yesterday was not fun. It started out fun, but went crashing in flames as the minutes ticked along.

I went to school early to trade massage with Steph. After visiting with the administration about job placement locally, I went to find my friend. I could tell instantly there was something wrong. She lives with her sister who is a labor and delivery nurse. Karen had been through hell at work, C-sections, fetal demise, (oh and what the hell kind of phrase is that anyway and can the medical establishment come up with a MORE fucked up way to deal with grief? ) ... just all kinds of shit. I agreed with Steph, it was horrid and she needed a massage.

So that went well, I ripped off some new techniques from her, and we went out the door to lunch. Her phone rang and CJ was on the phone. I watched Steph break down in tears as we were walking. Oh shit, I thought. What could be wrong now? Did CJ wreck her van? Is CJ's hubby ok? Like normal, my mind just took off.

No. CJ is ok. It was our other girlfriend from school. Her daughter is pregnant. They knew it's a girl. Baby already has a name. My GF even moved into a larger apartment just to accomodate a new baby in the house. All for......

The nurse lost heart tones after placing mom on the monitor. 40 minutes later..... yes I said FOURTY DAMN MINUTES LATER she decides to get another NURSE for a second opinion.

an HOUR after that, they get someone in to do another test ...... meanwhile, this family was left in the dark, no discussion and just where the fuck was a DOCTOR?

So my GF-soon-to-be-gramma-but-not-now spent the day getting people to go to her new home and pack and remove all of baby girls things. Today my friends and I are headed over there to paint a little pink room white before mom gets home.

Sometimes life just sucks shit.

Oh! always remember to interview your doctor. After all, You pay him.

Running

I am so tired this morning. I just finished my last Thursday night of clinic (yeah!) which means no more 16 hour days. Today I have to take off for the old home town - 4 hours away. Tonight is Homecoming, and my third child is, of course, in the festivities. ugh. So in a few minutes, I load in my car, go get the oil changed first, and run head first into another 16 hour day. I'm too old for this shit.

The ex called yesterday and wants me to take child number 3 shopping for clothes to wear for senior pics on Saturday. Yikes! I am about to have 3 kids past high school age. Once again, the age thing is nipping at my heels. Was it just yesterday I was a mom to little kids? ... and now all my girlfriends and myself are grammas. DAMN IT! I love it, but can't I have my youth too???

Well, not all my girlfriends... Steph is working hard to get a job in Tortola. I hope she gets it. I need a vacation to someplace tropical. And speaking of living on an island, Jody has temporarily moved to a little village in Alaska which honestly sounds like island living in an arctic region. She is still on the mainland, however she is in a fly in/fly out situation. I think all that would play out so much nicer with palm trees and sand. Just my opinion.

Steve's band made the Blues Challenge again this year. They have some new personel on board this time, and if things go good, we just might be making a trek to Memphis this winter for the national contest. Keep your fingers crossed! Kansas City Blues Society is making some noise this year (again, new leadership). They are finally getting the politics out of the music.

Ok happy people, wish me luck and good gas mileage. I need it.....

brain dominance

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.
Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.
Overall you appear to be Left Brain Dominant

oh crap. now how do I go about exercising the right side of my brain? certainly I am not looking forward to having half my brain atrophy. hhmmmm....

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (28%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (70%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Word test to discover Your brain dominance

Things that make me laugh

Today's mood... left of center.

Thing that make me laugh. Stupid words like "ass gasket". Exactly what kind of mind comes up with that? Must have been a mechanic.

Street signs like "dead end". Well duh. Just where everyone strives to live.

Yesterday I had to explain to my dear friend Brian the difference between "muffins" and "muff". He brought me a calendar from Greece with ancient pornographic images, he travels the world in search of the best gay events, and I had to explain this to him? He kept calling it "muffin munching". NO Brian, it's called "muff diving". Yes, I laughed at this one.

The Jerry Springer Show. It has to be broadcast from a different planet. It's not that I can't imagine there are really people like that, but he has a constant flow of this shit. wow.

Exchanging recipes for drinks containing alcohol with my daughter. Probably not funny to most, but if you knew me before my life changed 180 degrees, you would see the humor in this.

Snarky pointed humor. Probably the silliest place I see this is a blog called PYMMOTI. This guy is outspoken and probably a sweety in real life, but onery as hell with the cover of the net.

The vision of my firefighter husband setting his own pants on fire one day. He was burning weeds by my garden, forgot he was not wearing his yellow fireproof pants, and just stood there while flames licked up his leg. I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard. Ok, I guess you had to be there.

The memory of my oldest son delivering an Oscar winning performance to a room full of pissed off parents. Hey, they were just kids, doing what boys with huge amounts of energy do. I still can't believe actually worked up a tear as he was delivering the fakest apology on record. God, Jake. You're good. You should'a gone to Hollywood. You would be in a Limo by now.

I'm just sayin'.........

It's this little things that do seem to really make folks speak up. Like the whole "breast feeding in public" bs. Hey, I did it. I remember vividly sitting in a quiet corner of the mall, totally away from everyone feeding my first child. I was totally covered as was my son when this Navy recruiter came over to me and sat down. Honest to god, he asked me if he could see.

WTF????

Apparently his wife was away with his child and he missed watching the intimacy that comes with feeding your child from your breast. Keep in mind I was barely 20 at the time, and more than a little freaked by the request. It still makes me smile tho to remember him watching me. His reaction was sweet, and not at all inappropriate. We had a good conversation while Jake got a full tummy.

Soooo...... if you don't like seeing things like that, DON'T LOOK! I don't particularly like seeing girls with their low cut jeans two sizes too small, fat dripping over the waist band and their undies showing, but nobody bitches about that. I don't relish the thought of men with nothing to brag about but how many meals they didn't miss failing to hike up their plumber pants but I don't see that making the news. (don't you have a burning desire to toss a nickle in the slot?)

My point is, breastfeeding your child is a natural process. Women with over-inflated boobs from a procedure gone wrong are not told to cover that shit up. Don't we have it a little bit backwards?

Ok, on to being a massage therapist. I am in clinic now, and yes, I have found my niche. Last week one of my clients actually gave me a hug, with tears in her eyes she related to me I have been the only person who has not hurt her during a session. Wow. I felt really bad for her, but good about myself at the same time. She is suffering from fibromyalgia, so touch can be painful. I am doing something right.

Now, if I could only find a job... I don't even care where it is, I am willing to move again, altho it bothers me to drag my kid out of his school again. Hopefully something with open up for me right here and I can get on with my life, post-school.

BTW, powerball is 240 million. If I win (I'm just sayin'....) I will still do massage.

Now THIS pisses me off.

I am a third generation farmer. I am proud of that even if I don't live on the farm any longer. My roots made me who I am, and to read this drivel from some ignorant city slicker with a mouth full of food and a refridgerator hiding science projects because he has so much excess just sets my hair on fire!

http://www.alternet.org/story/26031/?cID=45498#c45498

Read this story. Read the comments. Yes, it is bullshit what the american government has done, not only to the farmer but to the world as a whole with NAFTA. But to blame the guy out there doing it every day?? Risking life and limb for what??

OMG it makes me just want to get on my soapbox and start in. I haven't even finished all the comments myself as I am posting this. I have left a few choice comments of my own to a certain former IT worker. This person thinks because they "visited" relatives on the farm they have an inkling of what really goes on behind the scenes. NOT!

Yes, we all need to get a grip. Yes we all need to fight a good fight for this one. Point of origin labeling is a bigger deal than most will ever understand, and I mean ingredient point of origin, not processing. As consumers we need to demand this from the processors. Bitch about your first amendment rights but keep silent about what goes into and onto your body? Bad idea. Really bad idea. I personally do not like the fact my food is from unknown origins nor the clothing I wear comes from Chinese textile mills.

My neighbor is hungry, my family is hurting, my legacy is at risk. Isn't it about time we all took responsiblity at the grass roots level and demand something important?