Guess who's still here?

It seems I have not updated for quite a while. Should be easy enough to have topics eh? Between the (my) economy going straight to hell, and politics, and still working in hel... in a place I'm not crazy about... yes, there's enough to talk about.

Economy. As I imagine everyone is, I have never worked so hard for so long and been so broke. It's amazing. I have always had to watch my money, but never have I worked for a paycheck and my paycheck won't even cover necessities. Luxury things like cable and cell phones are no longer in the equation, however cell phones are on the necessity list since my home phone is not connected. So does that make groceries a necessity or a luxury? I spend $129 at the store last week, bought the cheapest of cheap groceries, no meat at all and still came home and wondered what the heck to do with this stuff? Eggs and Top Ramen? Pretty sucky meal. Maybe if you could throw some chicken and peas with it, but who gets that kind of stuff? Must be millionaires.

Politics. I'm pretty firm with my choice. My republican parents will probably melt in their chairs to know I plan to enjoy watching change happen with the next administration. My candidate has been the only one I have ever seen that actually knows (or shows genuine understanding for) what we are going through personally and what we are heading into as a society/planet. My children are going to inherit this disaster. The LEAST we can do is provide them with leadership showing enough drive to enact honest change.

Just as a business cannot do transactions using simply a cash register now, we as a society cannot continue to condone "politics as usual" in our capital and right on down the list. The days of politicians and smoke filled rooms have gone the wayside. We all got drug kicking and screaming into the information age, thus leaving "cash registers" behind. Now we must launch ourselves into activism in the political realm with a commitment unlike before and leave old school politics in the dust.

Gone are the days of waiting for "Washington" to act. We must act. In my humble opinion, Barack Obama is prepared to lead us into action.

Happy Holi-daze!

The holi-daze have officially begun. We drove out west to see the family for a couple of days and ended up leaving less than 12 hours after we arrived. I shouldn't really be suprised at that, however, the notion of the picture perfect family holiday still exists in my heart.

Shhh... stop laughing. I know it's not real. In fact, I have never even seen one.

But I still want it.

Ahhh yes... it's hard to live a PollyAnna lifestyle with my rose colored lenses so irreversably scratched.

Once when I was little...

I remember once when I was little, it was a ritual in the morning to give my dad a kiss and a hug and say "I love you!" as he was leaving for the day to go work at the farm. I remember sitting on the couch and saying (stupidly) that I was too big for that stuff. I remember the look on his face. It's not a good memory. At least not for me.

Well, life teaches you things. Usually the hard way. As I watch California burn, as I remember my TWO house fires, as memories of people in my life that have passed before me, as I think of people I still have in my life, as I think of those I will still meet....

I know now.......... You are never too little or too big to say "I love you!" or to hear "I love you!".

Say it. It makes a difference. Even when you don't realize it.

CNC's, Guitar Builders, and Beast Masters, OH MY!

The Humble Guitar Builder and The Tale of the CNC. *smirk*

Once upon a time there was a humble guitar builder who desired to change his stars. Every night he contemplated a way to change his method of building to make it faster, better, bigger.

He tried many many things, including selling clothing and things to make his dream come true. Alas, it didn't work out.

So he tried again.

He got a different shop to build in, and this made the Mrs very very happy. You see, she now has a place to paint while he builds. A very nice situation, indeed.

But still, how was he to make his business bigger, faster, better?

They talked and talked about it. They fought and fought about it. And then they fought some more, as was the custom in their kingdom. After the dust settled they had come to an agreement. And so they decided to move up the ladder in the world of builders. They would go automated.

How does one go automated you might ask? Well you see, they decided to forego all the old ways and purchase a very nice machine called a CNC Router.

The humble builder spent many long days and night finding just the right machine for his shop. He slogged through swampy internet sites and had covert conversations with seedy salesman searching for perfection. At last he had an answer.

{listen carefully for the trumpet fanfare}

Yes! All the citizens of the kingdom cheered! There was rejoicing far and wide with many beers and drinks of Mead. This was the answer to leaving the dark ages behind and moving up to the East Side! A MultiCam 1000 CNC Router... and it was going to come to their shop! Hooray!!!!

The builder worked and worked to make this machine his. He made the money miser give up his hoard of gold coins to buy it.

He arranged with the traveling caravan to load it in the wagon and deliver it to his shop.

He stressed. He fretted. He drank.

But at last, the big day arrived!

At daybreak he mounted his trusty Honda Odessey and rode bravely to the shop. Would it be there? Would it be late? Would it be in good condition? All these questions and more plagued the poor builder. His wife took pity on him and made sure he had coffee for his tankard, and as they pulled into the grounds, alas what did they find?????

The wagon had arrived early! In fact, the wagonmaster was sleeping in the seat as the builder pulled in the grounds. The builder was so relieved to see it there, and seemingly in good shape as well.

Now," worried the builder, "where is the worker-man who said he would help with his winch-wagon to remove my lovely machine from this beast?"

And so he waited with a new space cleared for his machine.

And he waited.

And he waited some more.

And the builder was not happy. Not happy at all.

After many hours he gave up on the winch-wagon fellow and put out the call for help. After many tries another purveyor of machinery came forward (after extracting many pieces of gold from the builder) (which he was NOT happy about) and brought forth a great beast of burden to remove the machine from the back of the wagon.

At first, this beast looked as though it was going to be the answer. But the citizens may have thought too quick. The beast was cantankerous. The beast was mischievious. Finally the beast lay down next to the wagon.

The builder and the wagon driver were perplexed. Now what? Both called upon the Mrs to inquire about a different beast. So the Mrs sent a message to the beast-master requesting a different beast. Couldn't they just send a different beast?

The beast-master sent a stable boy back with a whip and chain to force the beast to work. They tried. They tried so hard the beast threw a fit in the yard and threw gravel all over the new machine (which again pissed off the builder and the Mrs). The stable boy said it was no good. The beast was dead. It had died in the fight. They would have to get a new beast.

"A new beast?" thought the Mrs. "How can this be?"

"And what of the weather?" the Mrs asked. She was truly worried as the clouds loomed every closer. Rain. A bad bad thing.

But it was true! The beast-master DID send a new beast! And the beast was a sleek animal with power and desire. It was a beautiful thing indeed!

It's first job was to move the old beast away from the wagon. It was not an easy job.

It pushed.

It pulled.

It made the dead beast go away at last. The builder and the Mrs were so relieved!

So the new sleek beast went to work with the wagon driver at the reins. It pushed, it forked, it moved all the parts of the machine with grace and ease. The builder rejoiced at last!!

<------- Notice yonder peasant quarters. No, they are not occupied.

And at long last the machine is at home. It has a warm place in the builder's new shop and all is well in the kingdom.

The builder rests as the next journey is about to begin......... sooooo boys and girls, keep checking your mail for the continuing saga of the CNC machine and the humble builder.

Thank you and good night.

Mrs.

Yeah! I'm back!!

I finally got blogger to give back my account. wow... what a relief.

Lot's to catch up with. Stay tuned!

Still here

As it turns out, I still love my job. No wait, I love my career... the job? Well, it's a job. Between the perfectionistic boss who takes waffling to an all new level and drama queens who imagine their lives are the center of attention at all times, you can just imagine how much this Scorpio yearns to go off on these people.

I mean honestly, do you really think I care if I have 1 more appointment than you or you have a vichy and I have a body wrap to do? Oh, and let's not forget the person who is terminally twelve or the other who is G's gift to humanity.

Give me a break.

Now on to recent lessons from the table.

If you are going in for a massage, do NOT wear the giant underpants thing. I truly do not give a crap about your ass. When you see 6 to 9 nude people daily and every single one of them has an ass, your's certainly isn't remarkable. Don't get me wrong. I understand modesty. That's what the linens are for. You will still be covered at all times. Unless of course you have two asses or something.

Come to think about it, I did work on someone the other day who seemed to have their ribcage put on backward. That was pretty remarkable.

On the brighter side, I have met some pretty amazing people. Both at work and as clients. Just amazing.

The guitar store is up and going. As I feared, this is a slow process but it grows every day. We have lots of interest and a couple of people who are as determined as we are to make this a success. Now we have decided to put more inventory in the store, such as nicknaks and apparel for the ladies who are shopping with their guitar nut guys.

It's all going to work out for the best, and if it doesn't, at least we are in a place where it will be tolerable to be broke instead of living in an urban hell. Life can't be all bad when you have fishing out your back door. :)

better... but not perfect?

It took me a long time to calm down after the last blog. Times being what they have become, I have to accept things without the rose colored tint of my Pollyanna world. That sucks. But it's at least real.

So dear daughter went wedding dress shopping without her momma. She is independent and headstrong, and hurts me without knowing it. I suppose it will always be that way. I would not want her to be clingy, but just a little clingy would be ok. One thing I will say, having older children and having children still at home has taught me to appreciate each and every time they still need their mom.

At least as long as Grey's Anatomy isn't on tv.

KIDDING. Hey! Easy on the groans.

So hubby is agonizing over the Chiefs game, I am having a glass of wine, blogging to the ethers, and wishing the holidays were over, youngest son is in kid-bubble world. All is better.

But not perfect.

Well. That's that.

And that's just what it is. I am furious. I am steaming. I am righteously pissed off right now. It's not my fault, not my problem, and all my fault and all my problem. . . all wrapped up in a shit colored box complete with a crappy fucking bow.

Issue #1. There is a situation in my family that warrents attention, however I can't even address it because there is no solving it. Certain people have allowed their collective lives to become a swirling storm of horror all due to laziness. I won't be there for the hearing. I don't want to be there for the hearing because I am not sure the "system" is wrong at this point. Unfortunately there was a set of circumstances put in motion 8 years ago and now the (one of the) climax(s) is coming to fruition. I can guarantee this will not be the conclusion, only a drama point on the time-line.

Issue #2. Weddings. Mothers and daughters. It's all bullshit.

She actually said it was not fair of me to put a guilt trip on her about this?

Excuse the fuck out of me?

WHAT?

Goddamn it her genetic code is ringing true. All I asked was to come and shop with me here. She's the one that asked me to help choose the dress. She also said she could come during Xmas break. Now it's too far? NOW? Like my location slide farther away over a two week period? All because she doesn't want to pay to have the dress altered. Not even if I write the check for it. Nothing is worth her time to come here. Not even her mom. And now it's called a guilt trip if I even mention it.

Well thanks for the reality check.

But as I have learned, they all feel that way. All will go out of their fucking way for each other but if it comes to me oh FUCK no. Will anyone in my family actually see the life I am building here? Do they even want to see the home I found on my own and the town that I will live out my life in? Will any of them actually give a flying shit that I have survived two house fires, a divorce, two back surgeries, educated myself on my own goddamn dime, made my way alone to a new career, let alone birthing 5 children to this world that grow up to honor their father and ignore their mother?

Hell no. It's all bullshit. And that's that.

Home or something like it

Living in the midwest hill country is interesting. I hesitate to call them hillbillies (the locals, that is) but somehow it just fits like an old comfy coat. The speech is rugged. The style is coarse. The common sense is either deep or shallow but not so much in between. I think I will fit in just fine. HA.

I have been at the Lake for almost a month now. Little Jamaica was not as bad as I thought it would be, but still I am glad to be out of there. Living with co-workers is just a bad idea all the way around. No maybe about it. Bad. Damn bad. So bad it could be a tee-shirt... "if your co-worker asks you to move in just say NO!" Yeah, it is like a relationship that never should have gotten past the third drink OR the ride home. Chalk that one up to another life lesson.

Maybe I should put that in my up coming best seller "The Idiots Guide to Surviving Crisis". Ya think?

Back to the story... the Lake is awesome. The lifestyle is slow. People are either genuinely nice because they are local or genuinely in a good mood because they are on vacation here. Not bad. At all.

I found a house to live in. Well Roomie #1 found it. She rented half of it (it's a duplex) and I took the other half. Keep in mind I love my buddy, I just don't want to live with her. I will however gladly be her neighbor. She rented the half I liked the best. It felt more normal in layout than the right half, but hey, that's cool. Then she backed out. oops. Yes. You're right. I took the left half. It was "home" the minute I walked in the door. The only problem? I didn't tell her I did it. Not even when she volunteered to let the cable guy in while I was at work. Not even when I handed her my key and said "thanks!".

Yeah. I. Am. A. Real. Shit.

Deal.

It wasn't that bad. It was funny when we talked about it later. She tried to let the cable guy into the wrong side, all the while posing as me since they would not hook it up with out me being there.

I'm sure they thought she was on drugs.

:)

Changes

Changes seems to be what my life is about. As I write this, I am on a borrowed computer in the middle of Missouri, getting ready to start a new job today, struggling with transferring my son into a new school, living in a place known as "little Jamaica", and not liking any of it too much at this point.

Yes, I took the job at the spa. Yes, I thought when I put my start date as 10/13 it was far enough in the future arrangements would not be a hassle. How utterly wrong I was.

The (second) house burned 9/29. It was not a total loss, but after surviving the first burn, I would rather it all be gone than to have strangers digging through my underwear drawer, boxing my personal items, and everyone saying the same thing over and over and over. This is harder. Definitely.

So Hubby is living in the city with a co-worker, I am living in the country with a co-worker, and all that serves to do is make the hard shit harder and the simple things a pain in the ass. Insurance will rebuild the home. Insurance has all our stuff boxed in a warehouse somewhere in Olathe with the promise they can clean it. Insurance is supposed to be paying all our "Extra" living expenses. Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen. Don't they realize EVERYTHING is extra right now?

So I deal with dial-up, a nine year old boy that will be a captive in a shoddy apartment, and a husband that stresses pretty easily.

Just tell me it's gonna work out.