April 20. 4:20 by any other name. Most of my friends are happily celebrating this spring holiday today. I just woke up from a nap. Bet they will be doing the same thing before long. Although my nap was a well deserved chunk of personal pampering I needed and not a midcelebration break.
Somatic therapy is becoming a wide open question mark. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE getting my hands in the oil and really working out a muscle group, however, the modalities we are studying and the speed they are cramming them down us is very difficult. Last time I took anatomy I spent 3 days a week and a dissection lab studing the human form. Luckily I did very well, and it is serving me to get through this cram course. This time I get 8 four hour sessions with nothing more than a text book and a good (or marginal, depending on the day) memory. This is a hundred times tougher than college.
Never let someone sell you a bill of goods that "trade school" or "career learning" is easier or even faster than college. It just ain't so. BA degrees scoff at those of us who chose this route. I say to them... stick it! It is an amazing journey, but "easy" is not part of the ride.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Monday, April 11, 2005
Wow... nice right hook!
Holy cow did I get JUST what I needed today. Yes, I agree Scott. I am drowning in self pity and it makes me feel shitty. Thanks for being there when I need it. And with that being said, did I ever get plowed under by "doin' the mom-thing" this weekend.
Saturday was Derek's first Prom. I hemmed and hawed about going because I just refuse to subject myself to the judgment of my old life, but I sucked it up and went just for Derek's sake. It was totally worth it to see him in a tux for the first time and picking up his first date with all the nervous energy. I did go to Downs to get his flowers for Emily and saw some old friends there. What a strain that was. Walking into the flower shop was an interesting feeling, but we all survived it with relatively few scrapes.
Then I raced back to KC because Sarah was coming down Saturday night to spend the night before going to pick up a puppy for her father on Sunday.
Her car broke down in Topeka and luckily I had not gone through at that point, so she caught a ride with me to KC from there. Sunday we went to Columbia MO to get the new puppy then back to Topeka to meet her dad and retrieve her car. As I was driving back to KC on Sunday night, I figured the hours I had spent in the car from Friday night to Sunday could have easily landed my butt in the Grand Canyon had I just kept going. Maybe next time....
School is just an awesome experience. I can hardly wait for Tuesdays and Thursdays. We have started Swedish massage classes, so we are literally a "hands on" class now. One of the best things is being in the same head space with people who actually think like I do for the first time in my life. Is that shallow? Not that others in my life didn't challenge and expand me, but body workers have a skewed view besides being the pinnacle of procrastinators. What a riot to see 14 other people show up for class like I do and we are all doing the cram and slam with the homework issue. Apparently it is a prerequisite to be a procrastinator. No lie. They actually told us that on the first day of Ethics class. G-d, I have found my niche!
I have to do 30 massages (free) on anyone who will allow me before the end of June. It is part of the requirement for graduation. Poor Steve is already looking at me with a distinct look of "oh shit, again???" when I approach him. Poor baby. Suppose I should seek more volunteers?
Well, it is Monday, I do have homework (which we all know I will excuse away until tomorrow) but the trash man is not as generous, so I better go put it at the curb before I am stuck with two weeks worth instead of one.
And just for those who read this, here is a picture of my bestestestest friend who can just smack me precisely when I need it in just the right way.
Thanks Scott. You rock!
Saturday was Derek's first Prom. I hemmed and hawed about going because I just refuse to subject myself to the judgment of my old life, but I sucked it up and went just for Derek's sake. It was totally worth it to see him in a tux for the first time and picking up his first date with all the nervous energy. I did go to Downs to get his flowers for Emily and saw some old friends there. What a strain that was. Walking into the flower shop was an interesting feeling, but we all survived it with relatively few scrapes.
Then I raced back to KC because Sarah was coming down Saturday night to spend the night before going to pick up a puppy for her father on Sunday.
Her car broke down in Topeka and luckily I had not gone through at that point, so she caught a ride with me to KC from there. Sunday we went to Columbia MO to get the new puppy then back to Topeka to meet her dad and retrieve her car. As I was driving back to KC on Sunday night, I figured the hours I had spent in the car from Friday night to Sunday could have easily landed my butt in the Grand Canyon had I just kept going. Maybe next time....
School is just an awesome experience. I can hardly wait for Tuesdays and Thursdays. We have started Swedish massage classes, so we are literally a "hands on" class now. One of the best things is being in the same head space with people who actually think like I do for the first time in my life. Is that shallow? Not that others in my life didn't challenge and expand me, but body workers have a skewed view besides being the pinnacle of procrastinators. What a riot to see 14 other people show up for class like I do and we are all doing the cram and slam with the homework issue. Apparently it is a prerequisite to be a procrastinator. No lie. They actually told us that on the first day of Ethics class. G-d, I have found my niche!
I have to do 30 massages (free) on anyone who will allow me before the end of June. It is part of the requirement for graduation. Poor Steve is already looking at me with a distinct look of "oh shit, again???" when I approach him. Poor baby. Suppose I should seek more volunteers?
Well, it is Monday, I do have homework (which we all know I will excuse away until tomorrow) but the trash man is not as generous, so I better go put it at the curb before I am stuck with two weeks worth instead of one.
And just for those who read this, here is a picture of my bestestestest friend who can just smack me precisely when I need it in just the right way.
Thanks Scott. You rock!
Friday, April 08, 2005
Today is Friday. I sit here not quite sure I really want to write this because of the aftershocks should anyone but me ever read it. ~sigh~
I am just at a loss as to my children. I have done the best with the abilities and frailties and challenges presented to me. I have worked like a dog to make sure everyone is happy or at least settled with all decisions and implications. Nothing seems to be telling me it was worth while. None of them (except for Ian and Nick) accept the fact I am married and years ago moved on with my own life, first alone then with my significant other. I am frankly just sick of playing namby-pamby with their collective feelings and getting the shitty end of the stick every time.
Derek, bless his little heart, does really try to stay connected with me and I love and recognize his work for that, but Sarah and Jake are not so good about it. Sarah has a million and one reasons she can't come to see me but she will drive 6 1/2 hours to get a damn dog for her dear old Daddy-o, and Jake makes promises about spending time with me then breaks each and every promise but will drive to KC at a moments notice to pick up or drop off friends at the airport. Am I just imagining this? My feelings are mine. I feel like the resident tumor everyone can see but noone wants to deal with. It is an ugly feeling.
I am just at a loss as to my children. I have done the best with the abilities and frailties and challenges presented to me. I have worked like a dog to make sure everyone is happy or at least settled with all decisions and implications. Nothing seems to be telling me it was worth while. None of them (except for Ian and Nick) accept the fact I am married and years ago moved on with my own life, first alone then with my significant other. I am frankly just sick of playing namby-pamby with their collective feelings and getting the shitty end of the stick every time.
Derek, bless his little heart, does really try to stay connected with me and I love and recognize his work for that, but Sarah and Jake are not so good about it. Sarah has a million and one reasons she can't come to see me but she will drive 6 1/2 hours to get a damn dog for her dear old Daddy-o, and Jake makes promises about spending time with me then breaks each and every promise but will drive to KC at a moments notice to pick up or drop off friends at the airport. Am I just imagining this? My feelings are mine. I feel like the resident tumor everyone can see but noone wants to deal with. It is an ugly feeling.
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