Today is Friday. I sit here not quite sure I really want to write this because of the aftershocks should anyone but me ever read it. ~sigh~

I am just at a loss as to my children. I have done the best with the abilities and frailties and challenges presented to me. I have worked like a dog to make sure everyone is happy or at least settled with all decisions and implications. Nothing seems to be telling me it was worth while. None of them (except for Ian and Nick) accept the fact I am married and years ago moved on with my own life, first alone then with my significant other. I am frankly just sick of playing namby-pamby with their collective feelings and getting the shitty end of the stick every time.

Derek, bless his little heart, does really try to stay connected with me and I love and recognize his work for that, but Sarah and Jake are not so good about it. Sarah has a million and one reasons she can't come to see me but she will drive 6 1/2 hours to get a damn dog for her dear old Daddy-o, and Jake makes promises about spending time with me then breaks each and every promise but will drive to KC at a moments notice to pick up or drop off friends at the airport. Am I just imagining this? My feelings are mine. I feel like the resident tumor everyone can see but noone wants to deal with. It is an ugly feeling.