It's true

Yes, it's true. I am back. After my conversation with Jody today I realized something pretty important. My silence here does nothing but say... nothing. Hey look, we all know bloggers are a truck load of psycho-bable crap, and we just want to write out what is currently up the collective ass of the moment. So bear with me, or better yet, get comfy, pour a stiff one, light another one, or as I read in a bathroom in one of KC's better juke joints... roll em tight and smoke em slow, and get on the band bitch train as I pull out of the station.

All aboard!

So what's up with communication these days? Everyone I know speaks to everyone they know with disdain. Even "loving couples" treat each other like lepers. Is it just the dog days of August? Is it global warming (and how 'bout that effing global warming?)? I even stuck a toe in the water tonight and told the king of my household harmony he was treating me ... well let's just say badly.

How did that go?

Well, it is 12:25 a.m. and I am blogging. What does that tell ya?

I admit it. I am as guilty as the next bitch about it. I don't want to be nice and at times I just want to be left alone. Then that minute passes and I want to be all snuggly again. Seems there are a whole lot of us that are not getting on the same page. Hell I just wish I knew what page everyone else was on and I would try to get close.

It must be the heat. Or being broke. Or being up in the air about where life is going. Or the uncertainty of a job prospect. Or the fact that I have to take yet another damn test to continue my career in another state.

Yes, I'm bloggin', and I ain't quittin'.

How's that for proper english? does it show my tiny-town ejucashun?

yehaw... here I go again! See? I told you I wouldn't be gone so long.

Sunday was the last Blue Sunday for the Kansas City Blues Society. Hubby's band was playing and we all melted as he pounded away on the guitar, because you know, it was only about 500 degrees that day. Ok, it was 103, but it felt like burnin' hell.

A few observations I made about the crowd...

Don't wear black when hell's doors are open... bad plan.
If you must wear a see-through dress, wear undergarmets. (duh)
Age can be your friend if you let it.
Age can be your enemy if you insist on acting like an idiot. Example: when you are over, say 60, generally your hair is graying, not coal black with an impossible ponytail. Your fake fingernails, your tatooed eye liner, and your insipid insistance that you meet my husband will not endear you to me. Especially when you point out to him I'm really not out meeting strange men at strange hours.

Ok, I am ranting about that one. The newest ploy to make quick cash is tutoring for budding MT's, and this woman (I use the term loosely) is probably with out a doubt the largest irritation I have had in a great while. She marched her self over to my man and in front of people I knew and more that I didn't, she says "I had to meet you so you would know she is not out meeting strange men."

Jeezus woman.... If you hadn't just paid me $70 I would have knocked your damn pony tail in the gutter.

On a different subject. There is a job interview happening in Mehama Oregon in a couple of weeks. A certain member of my family is taking part in that event. Oregon Department of Forestry seems highly interested...

More to come....

Back from hiatus

Yes, it has been a looong time since I was here. Lot's going on, lot's I should have blogged about, but hey, you know how it is.

So since I was here last....

Business is slow. Nothing new there. I am getting some regular clients but have learned that 35 to 40 clients is not nearly enough to make a living. You really need closer to 300 to 350 to make a go of being a professional therapist and calling it your only job. As it stands right now, I am fighting to make a buck anywhere I can. Sorta stresses the shit out of me. Hubby still has his day job, and thank the stars for that one. But just like everyone else in the world today, we walk on a razor edge and pray that nothing happens that would force us to spend one extra dime.

The band got picked up by a national promoter. We are still waiting to hear what he has in store for us. It has been only a couple of weeks since they signed the contract, the bass player is sure it is a rip-off, but he doesn't want to go out on the road anyway... so what does he know. I hope like hell it works out. It would make our life so much easier to have that kind of cash infusion. I just worry that it will be too much to hold down for him to keep a full time job, and travel every weekend.

We have been going to the city market on Sunday's to the blues concerts. Man there are some really out there people. Probably the strangest (grossest) thing I saw was this really ragged guy that was wearing a tampon as an earring. WTF??????? That is just too much to understand. Then there is the gentleman that parades this woman around on his arm, her obviously paid for, and he acts like he is showing off the family jewels. damn man. .... reality check. Everybody knows where you got her, especially when she opens her mouth and the russian accent is so heavy no one can understand what the hell she says.

well duh.

At work we are thinking about putting together an antique show for the fall. That should be fun, however I can see what kind of work it would be from past experience on a very small scale. *K* hasn't done anything like that before, but as long as she continues to write me a check, I will do anything.

Oh yeah, I gotta remember to buy a lottery ticket today since I don't think I have any long lost relatives that are wanting to just flood me with $$.

Wouldn't it be cool to win? maybe not but I really want to give it a shot...

more later... promise... I won't be gone so long anymore.

How?

Sad news for me. Through the miracle of technology, I can tell who is reading me. And who is not ...

My dad has been like a silent rock throughout my life. My dad was there when I lost myself, and gently held my spirit until I came back. He has also been a faithful reader until his eyes failed him. Now I know how bad it is, even if others try to console me, even when others say "yeah, it's not good, but he's getting along ok."

uhhh... bullshit.

He hasn't read my blog for weeks now. I finally learned he can only read with a magnifying glass now. And he still drives. And he is facing this alone basically, because that's what my dad does. Face shit with silent endurance.

Am I letting him down by not living next door now?

I feel like I am. When I went "away", he came over every morning just to make sure I got out of bed. He stood in my kitchen while I ranted like a lunatic and didn't hold judgement. He watched over the baby and me. He made sure.

How can I make sure?

How?

Goin' to work..and other stuff

Yes, every day now I go to work faithfully. I sit and visit. I fiddle with the merchandise. I wander aimlessly. I don't get paid unless I do massage, any massage. Yeah, I know there will be some swing time. It's ok too. And it's better than coming up with $450.00 which I don't have, just to do less than nothing.

I really like the new situation, and the new people. It is fun to get to hang out with girls again. It is fun to get to dress in something besides tee shirts and jeans, AND it is really nice to get my hair done whenever I want it! WooHoo! Lovin that one!!

On the home front, we are dog-less. I finally had to call it quits with her. Maya was just not the companion I had hoped for. She was a little south of crazy and I think a serious candidate for puppy prozac. After all, aren't they supposed to get calmer as they grow? Every day with her was a new adventure into what she would destroy of mine. The last straw was my briefcase with ALL my credentials, client information, lists, .... just everything.... yes, the bitch shredded it.

I am not a dog person.

I am a cat person. Hell my husband even says I act like one. Ha. Oh well... at least I am not a hyperactive mutt.

Son #4 is going on his first overnight at a friends house. Damn I remember being nine years old and having sleep overs. How fun was that?! So this is it tho... my last baby is doing what he is supposed to, growing up, moving on, I wonder, will I have a trauma filled night like I did when he got on the bus for the first time? Nah... I am a tough mother.

:) what bullshit.....

I remember....

I was reading Acidman this morning and it sparked a memory of my own regarding driving a stick shift automobile. I learned on my dad's Chevy One Ton truck. That hummer had 454 under the hood and way more power than a teenage girl should know about. Damn it's no wonder no one would ride with me while I learned. They just took me out in the middle of a field and said, "Go." Only took a little while to get it.

I wonder... will most of today's children ever even know what it is like to drive a 454? Probably not. What a shame.

Another memory I have of overly high powered vehicles.... I was 17, dating the fool I would marry (for 17 years mind you), and he had basically the same truck only lighter, built to tow something. When you are a kid growing up in a Very Rural Area, you get away with a lot of crap. His truck would lay black marks clean across the four lane highway before you got to second gear. I liberated his truck from him one night after a ballgame, was onery as hell, got caught by the cops, returned his truck before they could find me for sure, slid out of the drivers seat before they came around the corner, and smiled like the innocent child I was.

Well I was. No, really!

So? He didn't get a ticket....

But someone should have.

catching up

Yes, it has been a long time since I posted. From the looks of it, almost everyone that was becoming a regular reader has left. .... Such is the life of a writer...wannabe...

Newsworthy notes include the moving of the business, the trip to Vegas, the hailstorm that pummelled my cars, and the fact you can come real close on insurance totalling your car and they still don't do it.

First up... moving the business. I am moving my business to a salon here in town. K is giving me an amazing cut as opposed to rent and it still is MY business. In business circles, it was a great decision, but in the office when I told my current slum lord I was leaving he blew a gasket. I tried to explain that coming up with $450 a month when you don't have clients was like bleeding a turnip, but he just ranted and raved at me for a couple hours about shit that had NOTHING to do with me.

Damn it. A~! Get over it! He would have done the same thing in my shoes.

The hail storm. It happened Sunday before I flew out. There was absolutely no warning this was coming, and suddenly the sky did that "turn green" thing and golf balls fell on my pretty little Honda and the van that has served us without fail for 10 years. Now I have $4000 worth of damage on the Honda, and the van was $4.75 short of being totalled.

Guess it is about time we clean out the garage to park cars.

Next on the list... Vegas!!! Oh let's just say Vegas never gets worse, only freakier. I went to my first Vegas show, Zumanity, which was amazing. I ate at Tao's.... the total bill for 4 of us was over $500... thank goodness my travel companion picked up the tab! I had my first "spa" massage which was wretched. I felt like I had been hammered on for 80 minutes. The therapist told me it was a relaxing massage and proceeded to literally hit me with open fists and that was the sum total of the massage. The tab for that puppy was $215! Our total bill at Four Seasons was $1500 for four people. Once again, Thank Goodness that tab was picked up by my travel companion.

I didn't actually go to Vegas to play. I went to learn Lomi Lomi (Hawaiian Temple Massage) and it was completely awesome. The Hawaiians traditionally use it for rituals, and you can have some pretty amazing results emotionally with this modality. Hopefully I will get to use it here... because I love it! If you really let go and get into the moment of the massage, you come out the other end of it just in love with the entire world.

More to come....

The Test.

We were supposed to meet for breakfast at 7:30 and leave to the testing site around 9:15ish. Sounds like a really workable deal right? well........

Traffic was wretched. I had to detour on 95th and drive halfway across town instead of just taking 435 to Metcalf. Fine, I called B~ and told him I was running late, no problem, I would be at LePeep's around 8 or so. Not too much off schedule. Still time to eat and relax before ... before... ~the test~.

No sooner did I get off the phone with B~ than S~ called me. She was stuck on 71 hwy south of the Triangle. Now, if you know KC traffic, it might (honestly) take you two hours to get through there after a wreck. It's that bad. She was stressing to the max. This delightful soul is from Southern Cal, so she really had that whole road rage feeling with her. Not that KC folk aren't road-ragers, but it was bad that day.

I got there around 8:15. S~ was still stuck. She finally arrived around 8:40. Fortunately we had ordered for her so she still got breakfast. Conversation was about anything except the test. We all kept saying we were ready, more than prepared, and just wanted it over. We lied. We were all nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

After we all finally found the testing site, I was the first in the door. The little twit that identified me as me, locked up my possessions, led me into a room lined with computers and pointed. I sat like an obedient child. He didn't tell me anything. Not when to start, not how to indicate I was finished, nothing. I was confused, but just started clicking through the questions on the screen, hoping I was doing it right. My test time was supposed to be at 10 a.m. It was only 9:45. Oh well, forgivness is better than permission right? I kept clicking.

The questions were not has hard as I expected. I had apparently studied the right material after all. Maybe? Since it was a timed test, I kept checking the little clock on the puter screen. Crap... was I going too fast? I had over two and a half hours and I was only about 45 minutes into it. OMG. I just knew this must be too easy.

Now is where my body really started messing with my mind. I got the yawns on a world-class scale. Then my eyes started watering. Then I started itching. Then I got the fidgets. Then my neck ached. Then my hand with the responsiblity of clicking stopped receiving blood flow. It felt like ice.

Everyone told me to take the first response that came to mine. Don't double guess. Don't review. Don't change answers. I still marked a few questions because I just didn't know. I did review them, however I only changed one answer.

As I stood to leave, S~ was leaving at the same time. I walked into the room where the uninformative twit was monitoring us and waited for my results. S~ got hers first and left the room. I retrieved my possessions and he handed me the piece of paper that would decide the rest of my life.

It was like I had had a stroke. Or I had been dropped on the Russian continent. I looked at this paper and could not comprehend anything. It looked like white paper with black crap all over it. I couldn't read at all. My mind was screaming, "What's this? What does it say? Where are the results? Oh shit I can't read any of this!".

Then I saw it. The word "PASS".

I walked out of the room and S~ was waiting on the rest of us. I just started bawling. I couldn't ask her if she passed. I wanted/didn't want to know. We three had so much riding on this with the Vegas Lomi Lomi trip coming in two weeks, jobs pending on passing NCE, and months of preparation.

She cried too as we hugged and then we saw B~ come out. The look on his face was enough to know his result.

So post-test has become really interesting. I have found it to be like coming down from an extremely traumatic event. And why wouldn't it be? We just weren't prepared for the mental side of national testing. School will tell you how do deal with test anxiety, but they never mention long term stuff. They don't teach you to be kind to yourself afterward... they don't tell you it takes days before your brain will really grip what you have just been through. They don't tell you that the days following are just as drama filled and the days preceding. They don't talk to you how you feel if you pass and they don't teach you how to deal with it if you fail.

Now I hope for my friends too all pass. I want them to know I understand the stress they are under. I have such a different perspective than I had a week ago.

The lesson I learned from all this? Self pressurization is the most horrible pressure imaginable. You can quit a pressurized job. You can walk away from a pressurized relationship. You can't leave yourself.

Be kind to yourself. It's more important than most anything else. Lesson learned.

I PASSED!!!

Yes that's right. I am now a Nationally Certified Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork professional.

Licensed and Certified!

Whew. I'm alive.

I don't think it has all sunk in yet, although I have laughed with my friends, cried with my friends and shared a two margarita lunch with my friends, and that was just today!

I will tell more later. Right now I am listening to the radio www.kkfi.org as my hubby and his band are being auctioned for charity.

What a Thursday!

By the way, if anyone could tell me how to get my favorites and archives back up on the top of my sidebar I would really appreciate it. It just quit one day and I can't seem to get it back ???? Come on.... e me!!!! I need to think about something else.