October 11, 2017.  WHAT????  *sigh*

My beautiful dog, Boonie.  This guy has become my protector, his choice. Isn't he stunning? 

His photo is first up on this new venture.  But wait.... it's not new at all, is it.  This blog of mine has been an off and on and off love affair, (and sometimes a LoveFromAfarAffair).  Maintainence is required, the planet has changed, (pssst.....its Switzerland's fault, I'll tell ya later), and hopefully this time this beas...bitc... this blog will return to the entertaining, learning, and living view of my little corner of Paradise.  Stay tuned! 

The spring barbeque

Friday night I had one of those "Oh!" moments, ya know? Things just got a little bit clearer around the edges about some stuff. It was kinda cool actually. I spent the afternoon with my bestest gf on a long range golf cart tour, drinking wine and creek cruisin'. It was time to head for the ponderosa, so off I went to make dinner for my dear hubby that works like a crazy man to keep us alive.

Drive home. . . uneventful.

Lo and behold?? What is this? I have MORE wine at home waiting for me?? omg life is sweet. Now, what to fix that man of mine. Ah ha. I got it. I just found brats hiding in the fridge, so off I go to light the grill.

Now, keep in mind. It is FINALLY 75 degrees outside and people are emerging from their little gopher holes to see what all the fuss is about, so I wasn't surprised to hear people in the neighborhood rousting about.

So I am puttering about, pouring my wine, head to the garage to get the charcoal, and what's that? Do I hear music? And decent music at that? hhmmmmm....

Yes, my new neighbor has moved into the senior citizen housing across the street from me. He is a Cuban fellow, most likely in his late 70's...and apparently loves old blues. SO... I am lighting my grill, sippin' my wine and I hear a lusty old man voice holler out... "lighting the grill... nice... very nice..."

LOL... WHAT???? There he sits with his white Havana undershirt on, with his ankle-biter dog on a chain, playin music louder than the neighborhood teenagers, and running commentary on my barbecue demonstration.

Gotta love my life....

Oh well... I figure if he wants to watch me cook and will play music for me its a good trade.

p.s.

meanwhile during all of this, my lovely dog had every so nicely helped herself to all my brats but three while I was enjoying the music outside. shit. needless to say she spent the next day being VERY well behaved after the scolding she got.

shake what your momma gave you

We took a couple of days for ourselves and went to a North Mississippi Allstars show in Lawrence, KS. It was a super experience and we made it a road trip with well seasoned music friends. They got a hotel within walking distance to the venue, which turned out to be a great idea.

We all practically ran to the venue and then stumbled/wobbled back when it was done. It might have been from the volume of tequila consumed, or from the three hour workout dancing non-stop. I'm not saying which, but, do you think that two bottles of premade margs, a flask for the venue, two more well drinks from the bar, and a fifth of Patron is too much for the pushing 50 crowd? And that' just what Tammy and I drank. The boys were on their own. Oh well. Worth every second of it.

Oh, and the band was pretty good too. If you get a chance you should definitely so see them. Watch out for the gezzers dancing in front though. We don't want to hurt anyone. Actually, it was all about teaching the youngin's in the crowd how to get ready for getting up there. We did ourselves proud. :)

Unpleasant surprises

Really. I am an unsuccessful blogger. As I cruise through past posts the pattern gets all to obvious. Once every six months? *slapping my hand* *bad blogger... Bad blogger!*

Oh well. It's mine and that's what happens.

Our little family has been through hell since the last post. My hubby and I each lost a sister, almost a month apart in fact. Both were fine, then both weren't. No drama, just gone. It still takes my breath away.

We lost Connie first. It was on the heels of the best weekend we had spent with friends in years. In fact, our friends live where there is zero cell service. We had no idea until we got back "on the grid" so to speak. Then the phone messages started. And continued. And killed a little place that you hold sacred in your space. You know the one I am talking about... the big sister pedestal. Husband is a middle child and I am a first born, so this was not something we had prepared for. She was his mom-figure and the only big sister I will ever get.

Note to self. life doesn't give a shit if you are prepared or not.

My sister and I were not close. We had a rocky relationship in the past few years. Rocky? Wrong word. Boulder-y would be a better description. But missing her is as real as it gets. I found her number in my phone the other day and it reduced me to mush on the couch for the entire day. Try as I might I just could not get it together. Her birthday was just as bad. I had planned to spend the day with my daughter and granddaughter ... just hanging out... you know the drill. When I realized it was Jane's birthday it was all over. I couldn't even get dressed. Then I got pissed because I couldn't get dressed. Then I got really pissed because it snuck up on me like a thief in the night.

Typical of our relationship though. I hope eventually I will get over being surprised at the mountain of misery this has presented me. Not that I am in a hurry, but ... I'm just sayin'.

So my blog still works. Pretty amazing since it seems I get here one a year or so. There has been so much happening and only the ethers know why.

Update: living up country.

We moved back. We've been here for two years now. I still miss my people and my job at the spa. Honestly I thought life would slow down when we got back but it insists on careening along at the breakneck pace as usual. There are many people that still have no idea I am here. Question like, "Are you back on vacation?", or "Really? You live HERE?". Son #2 is amazed I can slide in and stay off the grid completely.

It's ok. I like it.

But alas, I find myself unemployed, worried (again) about not enough funds, crunched financially, and really wanting to find a way to make some real cash from home.

Anybody got any ideas? I am looking at Affiliate Marketing, but damn it I am tired of getting scammed.

We have met some new friends here. That's pretty amazing when you consider all our new friends are former Coloradoans and choose to live here. We haven't known each other for very long at this point (just 6 short weeks!) but it seems we have all been friends for a lifetime. I am relatively sure Sister Tam and I have shared more than one lifetime. Thanks to all of our lucky stars, we are on another trip through history.

Well, at least I know I can still get here to vent/prattle/play.

Always remember, good fences build good neighbors..

Peace.

New Year, New Outlook

Here it is, another year swiftly past in my life. 2009 had some remarkably psychotic head snapping events.
It marked the year I moved back to my old home town. (scary).
It marked the year out guitar business went into a serious tailspin, thanks to a the corporate giant sending out the attack dogs.
It ticked off another year of living the goodlife thinking we were broke on our ass. Actually we had no idea we were NOT broke, but we are now. After our guitar build got shut down and the economy tanked, tanked, and then really tanked.... we have had to reevaluate every single thing in our lives.

Our cable is gone..

Tomorrow I am shutting off our home phone..

I have been living with a coat on in my own house for a month because heat is just too expensive..

My son's coat has a broken zipper, so instead of just getting a new one (which I would have done a year ago) he wears a hoodie under his coat.

And to top off the lovely list of crap that sits on my head, I know my paycheck will fall short each and every month by $600.

Life is just a bitch right now. But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I really believe that.

We have signed up to take a financial course, both of us, as a couple. It is the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. We have gone through the first lesson about saving saving saving. All ya gotta come up with is a thousand bucks.

That's all?? Should be easy right?? If my grocery bill didn't cost more than my house payment, and if my luck holds out hiding from the credit card people, I might be able to get it done. We dug up $45 today.

I will be using this for my online diary about the next chapter of learning to become debt-free.

Stay turned for class #2! It starts tomorrow.

Jody at http://wacondasprings.com/blog/ passed along an award to me called Honest Scrap. Thanks Jody! You have jump-started me ..... again....



The award rules are simple – pass the award to seven worthy bloggers who post from the heart, and list ten honest things about yourself.



Here's my ten.



1. I stress too much.



2. I am ready for the country to wake up and remember where we came from... for real.



3. I love to get my hair colored.



4. I write, which keeps me sane, which explains a LOT why I stress too much since I convince myself I am too busy to "write".



5. I love having every weekend off. Now if I could only figure out what "off" meant.



6. My grand-daughter is the most amazing thing I have ever seen, and she is only a month old!



7. I cry when things really should not have bothered me at all.



8. I'm leaving on my first vaca in 10 years and I am scared shitless to go.



9. I would run over broken glass in flip flops to get away from a spider.



10. I'm happier than I have been in years. .... who knew?



Now here's my seven:



Guy K at http://charmingjustcharming.blogspot.com/



George at http://www.decrepitoldfool.com/



Pammy at http://lollygaggin.blogspot.com/

The Beatles, The Wizard, and me.

Long since silent, I feel it is time to shake off some dust and clear away the remnents of spider webs. My longing to write has reared it's possessive head. Are we ready for this?

Time will tell.

Life tends to deal each of us a hand of cards, but forgets to give us the rules to the game. Only a lucky few find the short cut while most of us simply wander around in the ultraviolet mist stubbing toes and scraping knees. I have my fair share of stubbed (or broken) toes and knees with battle scars the size of oranges. ... and so on I trudge.

I have spent the last two years working and living as a massage therapist in a spa setting. It has been the most demanding, draining, grueling, ... rewarding, fulfilling, amazing journey ever. But my body is breaking. My hands are not going to last two more years, let alone long enough to ever hold my grandchild pain free if I don't stop. Every joint in my back shifts at random, and my feet have declared themselves their own country and sued the rest of me for secession from the Union. It's a hard one, Uncle Albert.

I have made the decision to move back to my hometown. Just the thought of it makes me break out in a clammy sweat. My head tells me to panic, but my heart hears my children wishing me back. I worry about leaving my career. I love it. Undoubtedly. I hope there will be the occasional soul looking for bodywork with a purpose and not just fluff. but my family calls.

For them I will go. They need me worse than I need this. So now I am clicking my ruby slippers and whispering ever so softly....

~There's no place like home... there's no place like home...~

Guess who's still here?

It seems I have not updated for quite a while. Should be easy enough to have topics eh? Between the (my) economy going straight to hell, and politics, and still working in hel... in a place I'm not crazy about... yes, there's enough to talk about.

Economy. As I imagine everyone is, I have never worked so hard for so long and been so broke. It's amazing. I have always had to watch my money, but never have I worked for a paycheck and my paycheck won't even cover necessities. Luxury things like cable and cell phones are no longer in the equation, however cell phones are on the necessity list since my home phone is not connected. So does that make groceries a necessity or a luxury? I spend $129 at the store last week, bought the cheapest of cheap groceries, no meat at all and still came home and wondered what the heck to do with this stuff? Eggs and Top Ramen? Pretty sucky meal. Maybe if you could throw some chicken and peas with it, but who gets that kind of stuff? Must be millionaires.

Politics. I'm pretty firm with my choice. My republican parents will probably melt in their chairs to know I plan to enjoy watching change happen with the next administration. My candidate has been the only one I have ever seen that actually knows (or shows genuine understanding for) what we are going through personally and what we are heading into as a society/planet. My children are going to inherit this disaster. The LEAST we can do is provide them with leadership showing enough drive to enact honest change.

Just as a business cannot do transactions using simply a cash register now, we as a society cannot continue to condone "politics as usual" in our capital and right on down the list. The days of politicians and smoke filled rooms have gone the wayside. We all got drug kicking and screaming into the information age, thus leaving "cash registers" behind. Now we must launch ourselves into activism in the political realm with a commitment unlike before and leave old school politics in the dust.

Gone are the days of waiting for "Washington" to act. We must act. In my humble opinion, Barack Obama is prepared to lead us into action.

Happy Holi-daze!

The holi-daze have officially begun. We drove out west to see the family for a couple of days and ended up leaving less than 12 hours after we arrived. I shouldn't really be suprised at that, however, the notion of the picture perfect family holiday still exists in my heart.

Shhh... stop laughing. I know it's not real. In fact, I have never even seen one.

But I still want it.

Ahhh yes... it's hard to live a PollyAnna lifestyle with my rose colored lenses so irreversably scratched.

Once when I was little...

I remember once when I was little, it was a ritual in the morning to give my dad a kiss and a hug and say "I love you!" as he was leaving for the day to go work at the farm. I remember sitting on the couch and saying (stupidly) that I was too big for that stuff. I remember the look on his face. It's not a good memory. At least not for me.

Well, life teaches you things. Usually the hard way. As I watch California burn, as I remember my TWO house fires, as memories of people in my life that have passed before me, as I think of people I still have in my life, as I think of those I will still meet....

I know now.......... You are never too little or too big to say "I love you!" or to hear "I love you!".

Say it. It makes a difference. Even when you don't realize it.

CNC's, Guitar Builders, and Beast Masters, OH MY!

The Humble Guitar Builder and The Tale of the CNC. *smirk*

Once upon a time there was a humble guitar builder who desired to change his stars. Every night he contemplated a way to change his method of building to make it faster, better, bigger.

He tried many many things, including selling clothing and things to make his dream come true. Alas, it didn't work out.

So he tried again.

He got a different shop to build in, and this made the Mrs very very happy. You see, she now has a place to paint while he builds. A very nice situation, indeed.

But still, how was he to make his business bigger, faster, better?

They talked and talked about it. They fought and fought about it. And then they fought some more, as was the custom in their kingdom. After the dust settled they had come to an agreement. And so they decided to move up the ladder in the world of builders. They would go automated.

How does one go automated you might ask? Well you see, they decided to forego all the old ways and purchase a very nice machine called a CNC Router.

The humble builder spent many long days and night finding just the right machine for his shop. He slogged through swampy internet sites and had covert conversations with seedy salesman searching for perfection. At last he had an answer.

{listen carefully for the trumpet fanfare}

Yes! All the citizens of the kingdom cheered! There was rejoicing far and wide with many beers and drinks of Mead. This was the answer to leaving the dark ages behind and moving up to the East Side! A MultiCam 1000 CNC Router... and it was going to come to their shop! Hooray!!!!

The builder worked and worked to make this machine his. He made the money miser give up his hoard of gold coins to buy it.

He arranged with the traveling caravan to load it in the wagon and deliver it to his shop.

He stressed. He fretted. He drank.

But at last, the big day arrived!

At daybreak he mounted his trusty Honda Odessey and rode bravely to the shop. Would it be there? Would it be late? Would it be in good condition? All these questions and more plagued the poor builder. His wife took pity on him and made sure he had coffee for his tankard, and as they pulled into the grounds, alas what did they find?????

The wagon had arrived early! In fact, the wagonmaster was sleeping in the seat as the builder pulled in the grounds. The builder was so relieved to see it there, and seemingly in good shape as well.

Now," worried the builder, "where is the worker-man who said he would help with his winch-wagon to remove my lovely machine from this beast?"

And so he waited with a new space cleared for his machine.

And he waited.

And he waited some more.

And the builder was not happy. Not happy at all.

After many hours he gave up on the winch-wagon fellow and put out the call for help. After many tries another purveyor of machinery came forward (after extracting many pieces of gold from the builder) (which he was NOT happy about) and brought forth a great beast of burden to remove the machine from the back of the wagon.

At first, this beast looked as though it was going to be the answer. But the citizens may have thought too quick. The beast was cantankerous. The beast was mischievious. Finally the beast lay down next to the wagon.

The builder and the wagon driver were perplexed. Now what? Both called upon the Mrs to inquire about a different beast. So the Mrs sent a message to the beast-master requesting a different beast. Couldn't they just send a different beast?

The beast-master sent a stable boy back with a whip and chain to force the beast to work. They tried. They tried so hard the beast threw a fit in the yard and threw gravel all over the new machine (which again pissed off the builder and the Mrs). The stable boy said it was no good. The beast was dead. It had died in the fight. They would have to get a new beast.

"A new beast?" thought the Mrs. "How can this be?"

"And what of the weather?" the Mrs asked. She was truly worried as the clouds loomed every closer. Rain. A bad bad thing.

But it was true! The beast-master DID send a new beast! And the beast was a sleek animal with power and desire. It was a beautiful thing indeed!

It's first job was to move the old beast away from the wagon. It was not an easy job.

It pushed.

It pulled.

It made the dead beast go away at last. The builder and the Mrs were so relieved!

So the new sleek beast went to work with the wagon driver at the reins. It pushed, it forked, it moved all the parts of the machine with grace and ease. The builder rejoiced at last!!

<------- Notice yonder peasant quarters. No, they are not occupied.

And at long last the machine is at home. It has a warm place in the builder's new shop and all is well in the kingdom.

The builder rests as the next journey is about to begin......... sooooo boys and girls, keep checking your mail for the continuing saga of the CNC machine and the humble builder.

Thank you and good night.

Mrs.

Yeah! I'm back!!

I finally got blogger to give back my account. wow... what a relief.

Lot's to catch up with. Stay tuned!

Still here

As it turns out, I still love my job. No wait, I love my career... the job? Well, it's a job. Between the perfectionistic boss who takes waffling to an all new level and drama queens who imagine their lives are the center of attention at all times, you can just imagine how much this Scorpio yearns to go off on these people.

I mean honestly, do you really think I care if I have 1 more appointment than you or you have a vichy and I have a body wrap to do? Oh, and let's not forget the person who is terminally twelve or the other who is G's gift to humanity.

Give me a break.

Now on to recent lessons from the table.

If you are going in for a massage, do NOT wear the giant underpants thing. I truly do not give a crap about your ass. When you see 6 to 9 nude people daily and every single one of them has an ass, your's certainly isn't remarkable. Don't get me wrong. I understand modesty. That's what the linens are for. You will still be covered at all times. Unless of course you have two asses or something.

Come to think about it, I did work on someone the other day who seemed to have their ribcage put on backward. That was pretty remarkable.

On the brighter side, I have met some pretty amazing people. Both at work and as clients. Just amazing.

The guitar store is up and going. As I feared, this is a slow process but it grows every day. We have lots of interest and a couple of people who are as determined as we are to make this a success. Now we have decided to put more inventory in the store, such as nicknaks and apparel for the ladies who are shopping with their guitar nut guys.

It's all going to work out for the best, and if it doesn't, at least we are in a place where it will be tolerable to be broke instead of living in an urban hell. Life can't be all bad when you have fishing out your back door. :)

better... but not perfect?

It took me a long time to calm down after the last blog. Times being what they have become, I have to accept things without the rose colored tint of my Pollyanna world. That sucks. But it's at least real.

So dear daughter went wedding dress shopping without her momma. She is independent and headstrong, and hurts me without knowing it. I suppose it will always be that way. I would not want her to be clingy, but just a little clingy would be ok. One thing I will say, having older children and having children still at home has taught me to appreciate each and every time they still need their mom.

At least as long as Grey's Anatomy isn't on tv.

KIDDING. Hey! Easy on the groans.

So hubby is agonizing over the Chiefs game, I am having a glass of wine, blogging to the ethers, and wishing the holidays were over, youngest son is in kid-bubble world. All is better.

But not perfect.

Well. That's that.

And that's just what it is. I am furious. I am steaming. I am righteously pissed off right now. It's not my fault, not my problem, and all my fault and all my problem. . . all wrapped up in a shit colored box complete with a crappy fucking bow.

Issue #1. There is a situation in my family that warrents attention, however I can't even address it because there is no solving it. Certain people have allowed their collective lives to become a swirling storm of horror all due to laziness. I won't be there for the hearing. I don't want to be there for the hearing because I am not sure the "system" is wrong at this point. Unfortunately there was a set of circumstances put in motion 8 years ago and now the (one of the) climax(s) is coming to fruition. I can guarantee this will not be the conclusion, only a drama point on the time-line.

Issue #2. Weddings. Mothers and daughters. It's all bullshit.

She actually said it was not fair of me to put a guilt trip on her about this?

Excuse the fuck out of me?

WHAT?

Goddamn it her genetic code is ringing true. All I asked was to come and shop with me here. She's the one that asked me to help choose the dress. She also said she could come during Xmas break. Now it's too far? NOW? Like my location slide farther away over a two week period? All because she doesn't want to pay to have the dress altered. Not even if I write the check for it. Nothing is worth her time to come here. Not even her mom. And now it's called a guilt trip if I even mention it.

Well thanks for the reality check.

But as I have learned, they all feel that way. All will go out of their fucking way for each other but if it comes to me oh FUCK no. Will anyone in my family actually see the life I am building here? Do they even want to see the home I found on my own and the town that I will live out my life in? Will any of them actually give a flying shit that I have survived two house fires, a divorce, two back surgeries, educated myself on my own goddamn dime, made my way alone to a new career, let alone birthing 5 children to this world that grow up to honor their father and ignore their mother?

Hell no. It's all bullshit. And that's that.

Home or something like it

Living in the midwest hill country is interesting. I hesitate to call them hillbillies (the locals, that is) but somehow it just fits like an old comfy coat. The speech is rugged. The style is coarse. The common sense is either deep or shallow but not so much in between. I think I will fit in just fine. HA.

I have been at the Lake for almost a month now. Little Jamaica was not as bad as I thought it would be, but still I am glad to be out of there. Living with co-workers is just a bad idea all the way around. No maybe about it. Bad. Damn bad. So bad it could be a tee-shirt... "if your co-worker asks you to move in just say NO!" Yeah, it is like a relationship that never should have gotten past the third drink OR the ride home. Chalk that one up to another life lesson.

Maybe I should put that in my up coming best seller "The Idiots Guide to Surviving Crisis". Ya think?

Back to the story... the Lake is awesome. The lifestyle is slow. People are either genuinely nice because they are local or genuinely in a good mood because they are on vacation here. Not bad. At all.

I found a house to live in. Well Roomie #1 found it. She rented half of it (it's a duplex) and I took the other half. Keep in mind I love my buddy, I just don't want to live with her. I will however gladly be her neighbor. She rented the half I liked the best. It felt more normal in layout than the right half, but hey, that's cool. Then she backed out. oops. Yes. You're right. I took the left half. It was "home" the minute I walked in the door. The only problem? I didn't tell her I did it. Not even when she volunteered to let the cable guy in while I was at work. Not even when I handed her my key and said "thanks!".

Yeah. I. Am. A. Real. Shit.

Deal.

It wasn't that bad. It was funny when we talked about it later. She tried to let the cable guy into the wrong side, all the while posing as me since they would not hook it up with out me being there.

I'm sure they thought she was on drugs.

:)

Changes

Changes seems to be what my life is about. As I write this, I am on a borrowed computer in the middle of Missouri, getting ready to start a new job today, struggling with transferring my son into a new school, living in a place known as "little Jamaica", and not liking any of it too much at this point.

Yes, I took the job at the spa. Yes, I thought when I put my start date as 10/13 it was far enough in the future arrangements would not be a hassle. How utterly wrong I was.

The (second) house burned 9/29. It was not a total loss, but after surviving the first burn, I would rather it all be gone than to have strangers digging through my underwear drawer, boxing my personal items, and everyone saying the same thing over and over and over. This is harder. Definitely.

So Hubby is living in the city with a co-worker, I am living in the country with a co-worker, and all that serves to do is make the hard shit harder and the simple things a pain in the ass. Insurance will rebuild the home. Insurance has all our stuff boxed in a warehouse somewhere in Olathe with the promise they can clean it. Insurance is supposed to be paying all our "Extra" living expenses. Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen. Don't they realize EVERYTHING is extra right now?

So I deal with dial-up, a nine year old boy that will be a captive in a shoddy apartment, and a husband that stresses pretty easily.

Just tell me it's gonna work out.

The Spa

On Monday I took a roadtrip and went down to Lake of the Ozarks. Really pretty country down there. Still looks very rural but its just because the trees are so thick you can't see the houses. And of course the roads are twisty-windy so I was lost the entire time, but its pretty just the same.

I had my interview, actually two interviews, at the Spa. Come to find out it is rated best of the mid-west and deal pretty much with an exclusive clientel. They have 9 therapists on staff and are looking to hire 3 more right away, with the plans to hire several more over the next couple of years due to expansion. Apparently they can't keep up with the demand as it is.

Both my interviews went well. It was actually the easiest job interview I have ever had. It felt more like just a gab session than a professional interview. Everyone was extremely nice, very up front and outgoing and even tho it was in a million $$ spa, it was homey at the same time. Kinda caught me off guard.

I had to do a massage as part of my time there. It seemed to go quite well. I ended up giving the lead therapist a full body massage, and she was pleased. She got off the table when it was done and told me I was "fabulous". :) Woohoo for me!

Plans were she would call me Wednesday morning and let me know the decision (that's today). When I got home from work yesterday there was a message on my phone, "Hi, I know I am supposed to call you tomorrow, but I wanted to let you know today that we want to offer you the position if you want it. I will call you in the morning."

Shit. Now the dilemma starts.

Yesterday morning at my current work, the owner tells me I am now hired full time on the clock. No weekends (unless its a special event) and my clients are still my priority. Totally out of the blue. I never saw this one coming at all. She has been pushing me to work weekends but she totally revamped the whole plan and gave me fulltime to boot. Shit.

In my current job I will not advance as a therapist as rapidly as I would if I were in a spa situation. The big problem is I am really happy there. I like doing many different things like refinishing furniture, painting, cooking for events, working in the salon and boutique, AND being a budding MT.

At the spa I will get free training to lots of new modalities like Japanese Hot Stone, Vichy Showers, Seaweed Wraps, Green Tea Wraps, and the list goes on. Plus I will work really hard meaning I will be responsible for at least 5 to 6 mssgs a day. Not that I can't, but that is really hard on your body, especially at first.

Here the son is really happy in school. He is in after school activities, his best bud lives just up the street, his bus stops at my door to take him to school, we still have easy access to the rest of the family.

Shit.

The hubby is all about the move. He sees the real estate prices (they are really affordable compared to the city) and we both would like to live away from neighbors again. Will that ever happen here? No. There? Yes.

Dilemma #2. Hubby just got offered a position that involves a $12G raise. Plus insurance. But that means he stays here if I leave.

Ok, I am ready to get struck by lightening. Taking off my tin foil hat for better access. I will even take a metal rod and stick it in the ground. Hopefully after 80 million volts blowing my shoes off I will be able to make a decision about this.

Obviously I don't know which way to go.

Fire Engine Red

Yes, I am getting my inspiration for this entry from my sister in Alaska. Jody talked about living life as a "fire engine red", and suggested I am the same.

Am I? ~~and she wanders off into the land of introspection~~

I would probably have to agree. We both are FER women. We neither were born that way, only became it through many - many, many miles of challenge. Our lives have not paralleled on the surface, but rather in a cosmic, psychic kinda way. Getting knocked in the teeth only serves to bring on the really red behavior. My family learned a long time ago when they see that particular look in my eyes after trauma/heartache/challenge, whoa baby.... look out. My friends (currently) don't really know that side of me, except for maybe Jan who needs to be nominated into the exclusive FER Woman Club herself.

Now don't for a second think that it involves stereotypical "redhead" hot temper or even thoughtlessness. FER women (or so it seems to me) have an inate and deep sense of what they need out of life, and tend to go for the gusto of it all. This at times can and will be excruciating for them and possibly their significant others. Not in a pleasant way either.

But let me tell ya.... It's worth it!

I like it, my new moniker. So in honor of my new position in life, I am going on a job interview next week at a resort three hours away from my current home. I have no idea how it will all work, only that it will if they choose me. I know it will because I am a Fire Engine Red, and I wear it with pride.