The Test.

We were supposed to meet for breakfast at 7:30 and leave to the testing site around 9:15ish. Sounds like a really workable deal right? well........

Traffic was wretched. I had to detour on 95th and drive halfway across town instead of just taking 435 to Metcalf. Fine, I called B~ and told him I was running late, no problem, I would be at LePeep's around 8 or so. Not too much off schedule. Still time to eat and relax before ... before... ~the test~.

No sooner did I get off the phone with B~ than S~ called me. She was stuck on 71 hwy south of the Triangle. Now, if you know KC traffic, it might (honestly) take you two hours to get through there after a wreck. It's that bad. She was stressing to the max. This delightful soul is from Southern Cal, so she really had that whole road rage feeling with her. Not that KC folk aren't road-ragers, but it was bad that day.

I got there around 8:15. S~ was still stuck. She finally arrived around 8:40. Fortunately we had ordered for her so she still got breakfast. Conversation was about anything except the test. We all kept saying we were ready, more than prepared, and just wanted it over. We lied. We were all nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

After we all finally found the testing site, I was the first in the door. The little twit that identified me as me, locked up my possessions, led me into a room lined with computers and pointed. I sat like an obedient child. He didn't tell me anything. Not when to start, not how to indicate I was finished, nothing. I was confused, but just started clicking through the questions on the screen, hoping I was doing it right. My test time was supposed to be at 10 a.m. It was only 9:45. Oh well, forgivness is better than permission right? I kept clicking.

The questions were not has hard as I expected. I had apparently studied the right material after all. Maybe? Since it was a timed test, I kept checking the little clock on the puter screen. Crap... was I going too fast? I had over two and a half hours and I was only about 45 minutes into it. OMG. I just knew this must be too easy.

Now is where my body really started messing with my mind. I got the yawns on a world-class scale. Then my eyes started watering. Then I started itching. Then I got the fidgets. Then my neck ached. Then my hand with the responsiblity of clicking stopped receiving blood flow. It felt like ice.

Everyone told me to take the first response that came to mine. Don't double guess. Don't review. Don't change answers. I still marked a few questions because I just didn't know. I did review them, however I only changed one answer.

As I stood to leave, S~ was leaving at the same time. I walked into the room where the uninformative twit was monitoring us and waited for my results. S~ got hers first and left the room. I retrieved my possessions and he handed me the piece of paper that would decide the rest of my life.

It was like I had had a stroke. Or I had been dropped on the Russian continent. I looked at this paper and could not comprehend anything. It looked like white paper with black crap all over it. I couldn't read at all. My mind was screaming, "What's this? What does it say? Where are the results? Oh shit I can't read any of this!".

Then I saw it. The word "PASS".

I walked out of the room and S~ was waiting on the rest of us. I just started bawling. I couldn't ask her if she passed. I wanted/didn't want to know. We three had so much riding on this with the Vegas Lomi Lomi trip coming in two weeks, jobs pending on passing NCE, and months of preparation.

She cried too as we hugged and then we saw B~ come out. The look on his face was enough to know his result.

So post-test has become really interesting. I have found it to be like coming down from an extremely traumatic event. And why wouldn't it be? We just weren't prepared for the mental side of national testing. School will tell you how do deal with test anxiety, but they never mention long term stuff. They don't teach you to be kind to yourself afterward... they don't tell you it takes days before your brain will really grip what you have just been through. They don't tell you that the days following are just as drama filled and the days preceding. They don't talk to you how you feel if you pass and they don't teach you how to deal with it if you fail.

Now I hope for my friends too all pass. I want them to know I understand the stress they are under. I have such a different perspective than I had a week ago.

The lesson I learned from all this? Self pressurization is the most horrible pressure imaginable. You can quit a pressurized job. You can walk away from a pressurized relationship. You can't leave yourself.

Be kind to yourself. It's more important than most anything else. Lesson learned.

I PASSED!!!

Yes that's right. I am now a Nationally Certified Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork professional.

Licensed and Certified!

Whew. I'm alive.

I don't think it has all sunk in yet, although I have laughed with my friends, cried with my friends and shared a two margarita lunch with my friends, and that was just today!

I will tell more later. Right now I am listening to the radio www.kkfi.org as my hubby and his band are being auctioned for charity.

What a Thursday!

By the way, if anyone could tell me how to get my favorites and archives back up on the top of my sidebar I would really appreciate it. It just quit one day and I can't seem to get it back ???? Come on.... e me!!!! I need to think about something else.

Tomorrow..or not

Tomorrow is it. The final day. The last chance. The end of the road. The wall. The rock and a hard spot. The future. Or not.

Tomorrow I take the NCE. National Certification Examination for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork. Tomorrow a computer with random questions pulled from a pool of 2000 questions will tell me if I can practice. Tomorrow some anonymous piece of paper will allow me to continue on my quest to publicly practice the art of assisted healing. Or not.

Am I nervous? My hands are cold, my feet are cold, I shake uncontrollably for no reason at all at times, my intestinal tract hates me, AND my newest challenge of Adult onset ADHD is kicking in with a vengence.

(I think that is a yes) (or not)

Yeah, I know I can apply and take the NCE again if I fail. I just don't want to fork up another $250 because they say so. Wouldn't a practicum be a better scale to decide on a touch-based profession?

Oh well, wish me luck. I plan to spend today just attempting to relax.

Kinda. ;)

Geez. The crap you read on the net.

My mind just boggles when I think about the crap I have read over the past few days. OMG. The human race is going to hell on a fast commuter train. Really.

One of my daily reads had a site with the worlds longest shit. oh ... it defies the imagination, and more than that.... WHY?????????????? gross. Just gross. Worse than gross... why the fuck did I look? I am scarred for life.

The flap about the VP shootin' his bud on a hunting trip. I mean really. Shit happens. We ALL know I am not ( or should I say no longer) a devout platform thumpin' Republican, however, have you ever been hunting? For god sakes man... ALWAYS announce yourself when you rejoin the line. Cheney didn't do a damn thing wrong. It was an Accident! Get over it. Would it be do damn dramatic if he rear-ended someone? Yeah, I know he won't be driving himself anywhere anytime soon, but lets just get some perspective here.... and tell all those damn reporters who have NO idea what a hunt is like to shut the f.... up.
(I can say that because I AM a reporter, formerly).

Still studying for the test. Still finding eight thousand ways to not study for the test. I wonder. Do I have ADHD ? If I was eight and needed to study they would drug me so I could.

It sucks to be an adult.

You should see what is on my table. Sweet Hubby brought me home a dozen red roses yesterday for Valentine's day. They are really amazing. Almost three feet tall over all, they look like red explosives coming out of a cloud of baby's breath.

Steven, ya did good. :)

So the studying continues. Test is next week. I really need to get some focus with it. I can't help myself, and it's making me a bit nutty. I study and then I get sidetracked on trying to build the business. Talk about your proverbial circle.
Build the business, but don't pass the test, then you won't have to build the business.
Pass the test but don't build the business, don't pay this months rent because you have no business and a pointless test result.

DAMN.

Just a few more days.

Anyone want to help me study?

Ponderables

1. It's OK to laugh during sex - just don't point .

2. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

3. Is there life before coffee? Yes, but not on my planet.

4. Some people live life in the fast lane , when you start your own business you live in oncoming traffic!

5. Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice Doggie!"... until you can find a rock .

6. eja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before

7. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on .

8. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

Snitched from Menopausal Bi-Polar Witch Babbling, and emblished by yours truly.

Lessons from email.... Thanks Sandy!

Subject: The Wooden Bowl
The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law,and four-year
old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and
his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.

But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the
glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled
milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There,Grandfather
ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather
had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear
in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him
were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper,
the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked
the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy
responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your
food in when I grow up" The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears
started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!

I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about .......I just did.

Ok, I know all this wisdom you just read is a copy of an email. But there are some pretty powerful statements in there, and a couple of those just ring in my head when I think about them.

For instance: "Sometimes life gives you a second chance." I am the poster child for second chances. After loosing my house, my marriage, and my entire social safety net, I can still say I have a good life now. Sure, I am living on nothing, trying to fund a business venture, and at times even buying milk and bread with a credit card, but I have another house, another relationship with a man I adore, I have all my children, and I can have a rational conversation with my ex if necessary. Second chances. This one also goes with "making a living is not making a life", as well as the catchers mitt thing.

"When I have pains it does not mean I have to be one." Whew!. After being on Vicoden for a year and seeing life from the other side of that.... well... hell yeah. I was a real pain while I was in pain and addicted. Do you think I could see it? Nope. I didn't even know I was addicted! I just knew the pills made it (the pain) not matter. Someday I will have to write about that.

It is just amazing and a testament to ~S~ that he stayed through the ordeal. I didn't understand a lot of things as I viewed the world through a narcotic haze, but they are clear now. And it has given me an entirely different view, or maybe a new level of toleration/understanding to my friends currently dealing with similar stuff.

I just hope I have raised my children with passion and enough compassion they will never feed me from a wooden bowl.

15 days

Fifteen little days left until the (large cavernous sound please) Big Test. I study, study, study, and still Aruvedic and Chinese Meridian continue to eat my lunch. Ya think seven little chakras would not be such a big deal. Ok, so I get that part, but the kapha, pitta, bla bla bla..... Not to mention which meridian starts on your nose and ends on your toe... DAMN! If I don't pass, these are the reasons.

Company a week ago was fun! Dear Oscar has/hasn't changed. Quieter than "normal", but still "O". btw... still waiting on those B&W pics. ~wink~ *nudge*

Had a real meltdown a couple of days ago. It's the whole scorpio curse. Even went so far as to try to get a job working nights just to have $$ coming in. My financial hemmorhage really has got to stop. ... but I didn't start working somewhere else... and I got a couple new clients this week.

I know. I hear ya. But really I hate that plumber that took a cool $1800 from me. And the more I think about it, the more I feel ripped off. He "worked" less than a full 8 hours even tho he and his little monkey were here two days. Other than unload the massive back-hoe and dig a hole, plus jack-hammer the crap out of my basement floor, he didn't do a damn thing to warrent that much of my hard earned moola. That much money would have carried me through 4 months of rent. Or two mortgage payments. Or a FanTastic vacation. Or a year of groceries. Or, ... or... or.....

That plumber is the spawn of the devil. I am sure of it.

And his butt crack showed.

I wonder, is that a requirement when you study the trade? "Must have the ability to have your pants slide down past the top of your butt crack with a belt on."

Thank my lucky stars I am an MT. For a while at least.

I love these things...

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful.In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

href="What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?

It's February!!!

Somebody, please, tell my neighbor it is February!? Right this minute he is outside VACCUUMING his grass. Yes. Vaccuuming. His grass. With his leaf blower. omg... is this what OCD is? Next thing I know he will probably be doing it in his speedo.

Eeww... just the mental picture is too much to deal with.

It's gonna be a long looong warm season.