It took me a long time to calm down after the last blog. Times being what they have become, I have to accept things without the rose colored tint of my Pollyanna world. That sucks. But it's at least real.
So dear daughter went wedding dress shopping without her momma. She is independent and headstrong, and hurts me without knowing it. I suppose it will always be that way. I would not want her to be clingy, but just a little clingy would be ok. One thing I will say, having older children and having children still at home has taught me to appreciate each and every time they still need their mom.
At least as long as Grey's Anatomy isn't on tv.
KIDDING. Hey! Easy on the groans.
So hubby is agonizing over the Chiefs game, I am having a glass of wine, blogging to the ethers, and wishing the holidays were over, youngest son is in kid-bubble world. All is better.
But not perfect.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
Well. That's that.
And that's just what it is. I am furious. I am steaming. I am righteously pissed off right now. It's not my fault, not my problem, and all my fault and all my problem. . . all wrapped up in a shit colored box complete with a crappy fucking bow.
Issue #1. There is a situation in my family that warrents attention, however I can't even address it because there is no solving it. Certain people have allowed their collective lives to become a swirling storm of horror all due to laziness. I won't be there for the hearing. I don't want to be there for the hearing because I am not sure the "system" is wrong at this point. Unfortunately there was a set of circumstances put in motion 8 years ago and now the (one of the) climax(s) is coming to fruition. I can guarantee this will not be the conclusion, only a drama point on the time-line.
Issue #2. Weddings. Mothers and daughters. It's all bullshit.
She actually said it was not fair of me to put a guilt trip on her about this?
Excuse the fuck out of me?
WHAT?
Goddamn it her genetic code is ringing true. All I asked was to come and shop with me here. She's the one that asked me to help choose the dress. She also said she could come during Xmas break. Now it's too far? NOW? Like my location slide farther away over a two week period? All because she doesn't want to pay to have the dress altered. Not even if I write the check for it. Nothing is worth her time to come here. Not even her mom. And now it's called a guilt trip if I even mention it.
Well thanks for the reality check.
But as I have learned, they all feel that way. All will go out of their fucking way for each other but if it comes to me oh FUCK no. Will anyone in my family actually see the life I am building here? Do they even want to see the home I found on my own and the town that I will live out my life in? Will any of them actually give a flying shit that I have survived two house fires, a divorce, two back surgeries, educated myself on my own goddamn dime, made my way alone to a new career, let alone birthing 5 children to this world that grow up to honor their father and ignore their mother?
Hell no. It's all bullshit. And that's that.
Issue #1. There is a situation in my family that warrents attention, however I can't even address it because there is no solving it. Certain people have allowed their collective lives to become a swirling storm of horror all due to laziness. I won't be there for the hearing. I don't want to be there for the hearing because I am not sure the "system" is wrong at this point. Unfortunately there was a set of circumstances put in motion 8 years ago and now the (one of the) climax(s) is coming to fruition. I can guarantee this will not be the conclusion, only a drama point on the time-line.
Issue #2. Weddings. Mothers and daughters. It's all bullshit.
She actually said it was not fair of me to put a guilt trip on her about this?
Excuse the fuck out of me?
WHAT?
Goddamn it her genetic code is ringing true. All I asked was to come and shop with me here. She's the one that asked me to help choose the dress. She also said she could come during Xmas break. Now it's too far? NOW? Like my location slide farther away over a two week period? All because she doesn't want to pay to have the dress altered. Not even if I write the check for it. Nothing is worth her time to come here. Not even her mom. And now it's called a guilt trip if I even mention it.
Well thanks for the reality check.
But as I have learned, they all feel that way. All will go out of their fucking way for each other but if it comes to me oh FUCK no. Will anyone in my family actually see the life I am building here? Do they even want to see the home I found on my own and the town that I will live out my life in? Will any of them actually give a flying shit that I have survived two house fires, a divorce, two back surgeries, educated myself on my own goddamn dime, made my way alone to a new career, let alone birthing 5 children to this world that grow up to honor their father and ignore their mother?
Hell no. It's all bullshit. And that's that.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Home or something like it
Living in the midwest hill country is interesting. I hesitate to call them hillbillies (the locals, that is) but somehow it just fits like an old comfy coat. The speech is rugged. The style is coarse. The common sense is either deep or shallow but not so much in between. I think I will fit in just fine. HA.
I have been at the Lake for almost a month now. Little Jamaica was not as bad as I thought it would be, but still I am glad to be out of there. Living with co-workers is just a bad idea all the way around. No maybe about it. Bad. Damn bad. So bad it could be a tee-shirt... "if your co-worker asks you to move in just say NO!" Yeah, it is like a relationship that never should have gotten past the third drink OR the ride home. Chalk that one up to another life lesson.
Maybe I should put that in my up coming best seller "The Idiots Guide to Surviving Crisis". Ya think?
Back to the story... the Lake is awesome. The lifestyle is slow. People are either genuinely nice because they are local or genuinely in a good mood because they are on vacation here. Not bad. At all.
I found a house to live in. Well Roomie #1 found it. She rented half of it (it's a duplex) and I took the other half. Keep in mind I love my buddy, I just don't want to live with her. I will however gladly be her neighbor. She rented the half I liked the best. It felt more normal in layout than the right half, but hey, that's cool. Then she backed out. oops. Yes. You're right. I took the left half. It was "home" the minute I walked in the door. The only problem? I didn't tell her I did it. Not even when she volunteered to let the cable guy in while I was at work. Not even when I handed her my key and said "thanks!".
Yeah. I. Am. A. Real. Shit.
Deal.
It wasn't that bad. It was funny when we talked about it later. She tried to let the cable guy into the wrong side, all the while posing as me since they would not hook it up with out me being there.
I'm sure they thought she was on drugs.
:)
I have been at the Lake for almost a month now. Little Jamaica was not as bad as I thought it would be, but still I am glad to be out of there. Living with co-workers is just a bad idea all the way around. No maybe about it. Bad. Damn bad. So bad it could be a tee-shirt... "if your co-worker asks you to move in just say NO!" Yeah, it is like a relationship that never should have gotten past the third drink OR the ride home. Chalk that one up to another life lesson.
Maybe I should put that in my up coming best seller "The Idiots Guide to Surviving Crisis". Ya think?
Back to the story... the Lake is awesome. The lifestyle is slow. People are either genuinely nice because they are local or genuinely in a good mood because they are on vacation here. Not bad. At all.
I found a house to live in. Well Roomie #1 found it. She rented half of it (it's a duplex) and I took the other half. Keep in mind I love my buddy, I just don't want to live with her. I will however gladly be her neighbor. She rented the half I liked the best. It felt more normal in layout than the right half, but hey, that's cool. Then she backed out. oops. Yes. You're right. I took the left half. It was "home" the minute I walked in the door. The only problem? I didn't tell her I did it. Not even when she volunteered to let the cable guy in while I was at work. Not even when I handed her my key and said "thanks!".
Yeah. I. Am. A. Real. Shit.
Deal.
It wasn't that bad. It was funny when we talked about it later. She tried to let the cable guy into the wrong side, all the while posing as me since they would not hook it up with out me being there.
I'm sure they thought she was on drugs.
:)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Changes
Changes seems to be what my life is about. As I write this, I am on a borrowed computer in the middle of Missouri, getting ready to start a new job today, struggling with transferring my son into a new school, living in a place known as "little Jamaica", and not liking any of it too much at this point.
Yes, I took the job at the spa. Yes, I thought when I put my start date as 10/13 it was far enough in the future arrangements would not be a hassle. How utterly wrong I was.
The (second) house burned 9/29. It was not a total loss, but after surviving the first burn, I would rather it all be gone than to have strangers digging through my underwear drawer, boxing my personal items, and everyone saying the same thing over and over and over. This is harder. Definitely.
So Hubby is living in the city with a co-worker, I am living in the country with a co-worker, and all that serves to do is make the hard shit harder and the simple things a pain in the ass. Insurance will rebuild the home. Insurance has all our stuff boxed in a warehouse somewhere in Olathe with the promise they can clean it. Insurance is supposed to be paying all our "Extra" living expenses. Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen. Don't they realize EVERYTHING is extra right now?
So I deal with dial-up, a nine year old boy that will be a captive in a shoddy apartment, and a husband that stresses pretty easily.
Just tell me it's gonna work out.
Yes, I took the job at the spa. Yes, I thought when I put my start date as 10/13 it was far enough in the future arrangements would not be a hassle. How utterly wrong I was.
The (second) house burned 9/29. It was not a total loss, but after surviving the first burn, I would rather it all be gone than to have strangers digging through my underwear drawer, boxing my personal items, and everyone saying the same thing over and over and over. This is harder. Definitely.
So Hubby is living in the city with a co-worker, I am living in the country with a co-worker, and all that serves to do is make the hard shit harder and the simple things a pain in the ass. Insurance will rebuild the home. Insurance has all our stuff boxed in a warehouse somewhere in Olathe with the promise they can clean it. Insurance is supposed to be paying all our "Extra" living expenses. Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen. Don't they realize EVERYTHING is extra right now?
So I deal with dial-up, a nine year old boy that will be a captive in a shoddy apartment, and a husband that stresses pretty easily.
Just tell me it's gonna work out.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The Spa
On Monday I took a roadtrip and went down to Lake of the Ozarks. Really pretty country down there. Still looks very rural but its just because the trees are so thick you can't see the houses. And of course the roads are twisty-windy so I was lost the entire time, but its pretty just the same.
I had my interview, actually two interviews, at the Spa. Come to find out it is rated best of the mid-west and deal pretty much with an exclusive clientel. They have 9 therapists on staff and are looking to hire 3 more right away, with the plans to hire several more over the next couple of years due to expansion. Apparently they can't keep up with the demand as it is.
Both my interviews went well. It was actually the easiest job interview I have ever had. It felt more like just a gab session than a professional interview. Everyone was extremely nice, very up front and outgoing and even tho it was in a million $$ spa, it was homey at the same time. Kinda caught me off guard.
I had to do a massage as part of my time there. It seemed to go quite well. I ended up giving the lead therapist a full body massage, and she was pleased. She got off the table when it was done and told me I was "fabulous". :) Woohoo for me!
Plans were she would call me Wednesday morning and let me know the decision (that's today). When I got home from work yesterday there was a message on my phone, "Hi, I know I am supposed to call you tomorrow, but I wanted to let you know today that we want to offer you the position if you want it. I will call you in the morning."
Shit. Now the dilemma starts.
Yesterday morning at my current work, the owner tells me I am now hired full time on the clock. No weekends (unless its a special event) and my clients are still my priority. Totally out of the blue. I never saw this one coming at all. She has been pushing me to work weekends but she totally revamped the whole plan and gave me fulltime to boot. Shit.
In my current job I will not advance as a therapist as rapidly as I would if I were in a spa situation. The big problem is I am really happy there. I like doing many different things like refinishing furniture, painting, cooking for events, working in the salon and boutique, AND being a budding MT.
At the spa I will get free training to lots of new modalities like Japanese Hot Stone, Vichy Showers, Seaweed Wraps, Green Tea Wraps, and the list goes on. Plus I will work really hard meaning I will be responsible for at least 5 to 6 mssgs a day. Not that I can't, but that is really hard on your body, especially at first.
Here the son is really happy in school. He is in after school activities, his best bud lives just up the street, his bus stops at my door to take him to school, we still have easy access to the rest of the family.
Shit.
The hubby is all about the move. He sees the real estate prices (they are really affordable compared to the city) and we both would like to live away from neighbors again. Will that ever happen here? No. There? Yes.
Dilemma #2. Hubby just got offered a position that involves a $12G raise. Plus insurance. But that means he stays here if I leave.
Ok, I am ready to get struck by lightening. Taking off my tin foil hat for better access. I will even take a metal rod and stick it in the ground. Hopefully after 80 million volts blowing my shoes off I will be able to make a decision about this.
Obviously I don't know which way to go.
I had my interview, actually two interviews, at the Spa. Come to find out it is rated best of the mid-west and deal pretty much with an exclusive clientel. They have 9 therapists on staff and are looking to hire 3 more right away, with the plans to hire several more over the next couple of years due to expansion. Apparently they can't keep up with the demand as it is.
Both my interviews went well. It was actually the easiest job interview I have ever had. It felt more like just a gab session than a professional interview. Everyone was extremely nice, very up front and outgoing and even tho it was in a million $$ spa, it was homey at the same time. Kinda caught me off guard.
I had to do a massage as part of my time there. It seemed to go quite well. I ended up giving the lead therapist a full body massage, and she was pleased. She got off the table when it was done and told me I was "fabulous". :) Woohoo for me!
Plans were she would call me Wednesday morning and let me know the decision (that's today). When I got home from work yesterday there was a message on my phone, "Hi, I know I am supposed to call you tomorrow, but I wanted to let you know today that we want to offer you the position if you want it. I will call you in the morning."
Shit. Now the dilemma starts.
Yesterday morning at my current work, the owner tells me I am now hired full time on the clock. No weekends (unless its a special event) and my clients are still my priority. Totally out of the blue. I never saw this one coming at all. She has been pushing me to work weekends but she totally revamped the whole plan and gave me fulltime to boot. Shit.
In my current job I will not advance as a therapist as rapidly as I would if I were in a spa situation. The big problem is I am really happy there. I like doing many different things like refinishing furniture, painting, cooking for events, working in the salon and boutique, AND being a budding MT.
At the spa I will get free training to lots of new modalities like Japanese Hot Stone, Vichy Showers, Seaweed Wraps, Green Tea Wraps, and the list goes on. Plus I will work really hard meaning I will be responsible for at least 5 to 6 mssgs a day. Not that I can't, but that is really hard on your body, especially at first.
Here the son is really happy in school. He is in after school activities, his best bud lives just up the street, his bus stops at my door to take him to school, we still have easy access to the rest of the family.
Shit.
The hubby is all about the move. He sees the real estate prices (they are really affordable compared to the city) and we both would like to live away from neighbors again. Will that ever happen here? No. There? Yes.
Dilemma #2. Hubby just got offered a position that involves a $12G raise. Plus insurance. But that means he stays here if I leave.
Ok, I am ready to get struck by lightening. Taking off my tin foil hat for better access. I will even take a metal rod and stick it in the ground. Hopefully after 80 million volts blowing my shoes off I will be able to make a decision about this.
Obviously I don't know which way to go.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Fire Engine Red
Yes, I am getting my inspiration for this entry from my sister in Alaska. Jody talked about living life as a "fire engine red", and suggested I am the same.
Am I? ~~and she wanders off into the land of introspection~~
I would probably have to agree. We both are FER women. We neither were born that way, only became it through many - many, many miles of challenge. Our lives have not paralleled on the surface, but rather in a cosmic, psychic kinda way. Getting knocked in the teeth only serves to bring on the really red behavior. My family learned a long time ago when they see that particular look in my eyes after trauma/heartache/challenge, whoa baby.... look out. My friends (currently) don't really know that side of me, except for maybe Jan who needs to be nominated into the exclusive FER Woman Club herself.
Now don't for a second think that it involves stereotypical "redhead" hot temper or even thoughtlessness. FER women (or so it seems to me) have an inate and deep sense of what they need out of life, and tend to go for the gusto of it all. This at times can and will be excruciating for them and possibly their significant others. Not in a pleasant way either.
But let me tell ya.... It's worth it!
I like it, my new moniker. So in honor of my new position in life, I am going on a job interview next week at a resort three hours away from my current home. I have no idea how it will all work, only that it will if they choose me. I know it will because I am a Fire Engine Red, and I wear it with pride.
Am I? ~~and she wanders off into the land of introspection~~
I would probably have to agree. We both are FER women. We neither were born that way, only became it through many - many, many miles of challenge. Our lives have not paralleled on the surface, but rather in a cosmic, psychic kinda way. Getting knocked in the teeth only serves to bring on the really red behavior. My family learned a long time ago when they see that particular look in my eyes after trauma/heartache/challenge, whoa baby.... look out. My friends (currently) don't really know that side of me, except for maybe Jan who needs to be nominated into the exclusive FER Woman Club herself.
Now don't for a second think that it involves stereotypical "redhead" hot temper or even thoughtlessness. FER women (or so it seems to me) have an inate and deep sense of what they need out of life, and tend to go for the gusto of it all. This at times can and will be excruciating for them and possibly their significant others. Not in a pleasant way either.
But let me tell ya.... It's worth it!
I like it, my new moniker. So in honor of my new position in life, I am going on a job interview next week at a resort three hours away from my current home. I have no idea how it will all work, only that it will if they choose me. I know it will because I am a Fire Engine Red, and I wear it with pride.
Monday, August 14, 2006
It's true
Yes, it's true. I am back. After my conversation with Jody today I realized something pretty important. My silence here does nothing but say... nothing. Hey look, we all know bloggers are a truck load of psycho-bable crap, and we just want to write out what is currently up the collective ass of the moment. So bear with me, or better yet, get comfy, pour a stiff one, light another one, or as I read in a bathroom in one of KC's better juke joints... roll em tight and smoke em slow, and get on the band bitch train as I pull out of the station.
All aboard!
So what's up with communication these days? Everyone I know speaks to everyone they know with disdain. Even "loving couples" treat each other like lepers. Is it just the dog days of August? Is it global warming (and how 'bout that effing global warming?)? I even stuck a toe in the water tonight and told the king of my household harmony he was treating me ... well let's just say badly.
How did that go?
Well, it is 12:25 a.m. and I am blogging. What does that tell ya?
I admit it. I am as guilty as the next bitch about it. I don't want to be nice and at times I just want to be left alone. Then that minute passes and I want to be all snuggly again. Seems there are a whole lot of us that are not getting on the same page. Hell I just wish I knew what page everyone else was on and I would try to get close.
It must be the heat. Or being broke. Or being up in the air about where life is going. Or the uncertainty of a job prospect. Or the fact that I have to take yet another damn test to continue my career in another state.
Yes, I'm bloggin', and I ain't quittin'.
How's that for proper english? does it show my tiny-town ejucashun?
All aboard!
So what's up with communication these days? Everyone I know speaks to everyone they know with disdain. Even "loving couples" treat each other like lepers. Is it just the dog days of August? Is it global warming (and how 'bout that effing global warming?)? I even stuck a toe in the water tonight and told the king of my household harmony he was treating me ... well let's just say badly.
How did that go?
Well, it is 12:25 a.m. and I am blogging. What does that tell ya?
I admit it. I am as guilty as the next bitch about it. I don't want to be nice and at times I just want to be left alone. Then that minute passes and I want to be all snuggly again. Seems there are a whole lot of us that are not getting on the same page. Hell I just wish I knew what page everyone else was on and I would try to get close.
It must be the heat. Or being broke. Or being up in the air about where life is going. Or the uncertainty of a job prospect. Or the fact that I have to take yet another damn test to continue my career in another state.
Yes, I'm bloggin', and I ain't quittin'.
How's that for proper english? does it show my tiny-town ejucashun?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
yehaw... here I go again! See? I told you I wouldn't be gone so long.
Sunday was the last Blue Sunday for the Kansas City Blues Society. Hubby's band was playing and we all melted as he pounded away on the guitar, because you know, it was only about 500 degrees that day. Ok, it was 103, but it felt like burnin' hell.
A few observations I made about the crowd...
Don't wear black when hell's doors are open... bad plan.
If you must wear a see-through dress, wear undergarmets. (duh)
Age can be your friend if you let it.
Age can be your enemy if you insist on acting like an idiot. Example: when you are over, say 60, generally your hair is graying, not coal black with an impossible ponytail. Your fake fingernails, your tatooed eye liner, and your insipid insistance that you meet my husband will not endear you to me. Especially when you point out to him I'm really not out meeting strange men at strange hours.
Ok, I am ranting about that one. The newest ploy to make quick cash is tutoring for budding MT's, and this woman (I use the term loosely) is probably with out a doubt the largest irritation I have had in a great while. She marched her self over to my man and in front of people I knew and more that I didn't, she says "I had to meet you so you would know she is not out meeting strange men."
Jeezus woman.... If you hadn't just paid me $70 I would have knocked your damn pony tail in the gutter.
On a different subject. There is a job interview happening in Mehama Oregon in a couple of weeks. A certain member of my family is taking part in that event. Oregon Department of Forestry seems highly interested...
More to come....
Sunday was the last Blue Sunday for the Kansas City Blues Society. Hubby's band was playing and we all melted as he pounded away on the guitar, because you know, it was only about 500 degrees that day. Ok, it was 103, but it felt like burnin' hell.
A few observations I made about the crowd...
Don't wear black when hell's doors are open... bad plan.
If you must wear a see-through dress, wear undergarmets. (duh)
Age can be your friend if you let it.
Age can be your enemy if you insist on acting like an idiot. Example: when you are over, say 60, generally your hair is graying, not coal black with an impossible ponytail. Your fake fingernails, your tatooed eye liner, and your insipid insistance that you meet my husband will not endear you to me. Especially when you point out to him I'm really not out meeting strange men at strange hours.
Ok, I am ranting about that one. The newest ploy to make quick cash is tutoring for budding MT's, and this woman (I use the term loosely) is probably with out a doubt the largest irritation I have had in a great while. She marched her self over to my man and in front of people I knew and more that I didn't, she says "I had to meet you so you would know she is not out meeting strange men."
Jeezus woman.... If you hadn't just paid me $70 I would have knocked your damn pony tail in the gutter.
On a different subject. There is a job interview happening in Mehama Oregon in a couple of weeks. A certain member of my family is taking part in that event. Oregon Department of Forestry seems highly interested...
More to come....
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Back from hiatus
Yes, it has been a looong time since I was here. Lot's going on, lot's I should have blogged about, but hey, you know how it is.
So since I was here last....
Business is slow. Nothing new there. I am getting some regular clients but have learned that 35 to 40 clients is not nearly enough to make a living. You really need closer to 300 to 350 to make a go of being a professional therapist and calling it your only job. As it stands right now, I am fighting to make a buck anywhere I can. Sorta stresses the shit out of me. Hubby still has his day job, and thank the stars for that one. But just like everyone else in the world today, we walk on a razor edge and pray that nothing happens that would force us to spend one extra dime.
The band got picked up by a national promoter. We are still waiting to hear what he has in store for us. It has been only a couple of weeks since they signed the contract, the bass player is sure it is a rip-off, but he doesn't want to go out on the road anyway... so what does he know. I hope like hell it works out. It would make our life so much easier to have that kind of cash infusion. I just worry that it will be too much to hold down for him to keep a full time job, and travel every weekend.
We have been going to the city market on Sunday's to the blues concerts. Man there are some really out there people. Probably the strangest (grossest) thing I saw was this really ragged guy that was wearing a tampon as an earring. WTF??????? That is just too much to understand. Then there is the gentleman that parades this woman around on his arm, her obviously paid for, and he acts like he is showing off the family jewels. damn man. .... reality check. Everybody knows where you got her, especially when she opens her mouth and the russian accent is so heavy no one can understand what the hell she says.
well duh.
At work we are thinking about putting together an antique show for the fall. That should be fun, however I can see what kind of work it would be from past experience on a very small scale. *K* hasn't done anything like that before, but as long as she continues to write me a check, I will do anything.
Oh yeah, I gotta remember to buy a lottery ticket today since I don't think I have any long lost relatives that are wanting to just flood me with $$.
Wouldn't it be cool to win? maybe not but I really want to give it a shot...
more later... promise... I won't be gone so long anymore.
So since I was here last....
Business is slow. Nothing new there. I am getting some regular clients but have learned that 35 to 40 clients is not nearly enough to make a living. You really need closer to 300 to 350 to make a go of being a professional therapist and calling it your only job. As it stands right now, I am fighting to make a buck anywhere I can. Sorta stresses the shit out of me. Hubby still has his day job, and thank the stars for that one. But just like everyone else in the world today, we walk on a razor edge and pray that nothing happens that would force us to spend one extra dime.
The band got picked up by a national promoter. We are still waiting to hear what he has in store for us. It has been only a couple of weeks since they signed the contract, the bass player is sure it is a rip-off, but he doesn't want to go out on the road anyway... so what does he know. I hope like hell it works out. It would make our life so much easier to have that kind of cash infusion. I just worry that it will be too much to hold down for him to keep a full time job, and travel every weekend.
We have been going to the city market on Sunday's to the blues concerts. Man there are some really out there people. Probably the strangest (grossest) thing I saw was this really ragged guy that was wearing a tampon as an earring. WTF??????? That is just too much to understand. Then there is the gentleman that parades this woman around on his arm, her obviously paid for, and he acts like he is showing off the family jewels. damn man. .... reality check. Everybody knows where you got her, especially when she opens her mouth and the russian accent is so heavy no one can understand what the hell she says.
well duh.
At work we are thinking about putting together an antique show for the fall. That should be fun, however I can see what kind of work it would be from past experience on a very small scale. *K* hasn't done anything like that before, but as long as she continues to write me a check, I will do anything.
Oh yeah, I gotta remember to buy a lottery ticket today since I don't think I have any long lost relatives that are wanting to just flood me with $$.
Wouldn't it be cool to win? maybe not but I really want to give it a shot...
more later... promise... I won't be gone so long anymore.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
How?
Sad news for me. Through the miracle of technology, I can tell who is reading me. And who is not ...
My dad has been like a silent rock throughout my life. My dad was there when I lost myself, and gently held my spirit until I came back. He has also been a faithful reader until his eyes failed him. Now I know how bad it is, even if others try to console me, even when others say "yeah, it's not good, but he's getting along ok."
uhhh... bullshit.
He hasn't read my blog for weeks now. I finally learned he can only read with a magnifying glass now. And he still drives. And he is facing this alone basically, because that's what my dad does. Face shit with silent endurance.
Am I letting him down by not living next door now?
I feel like I am. When I went "away", he came over every morning just to make sure I got out of bed. He stood in my kitchen while I ranted like a lunatic and didn't hold judgement. He watched over the baby and me. He made sure.
How can I make sure?
How?
My dad has been like a silent rock throughout my life. My dad was there when I lost myself, and gently held my spirit until I came back. He has also been a faithful reader until his eyes failed him. Now I know how bad it is, even if others try to console me, even when others say "yeah, it's not good, but he's getting along ok."
uhhh... bullshit.
He hasn't read my blog for weeks now. I finally learned he can only read with a magnifying glass now. And he still drives. And he is facing this alone basically, because that's what my dad does. Face shit with silent endurance.
Am I letting him down by not living next door now?
I feel like I am. When I went "away", he came over every morning just to make sure I got out of bed. He stood in my kitchen while I ranted like a lunatic and didn't hold judgement. He watched over the baby and me. He made sure.
How can I make sure?
How?
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Goin' to work..and other stuff
Yes, every day now I go to work faithfully. I sit and visit. I fiddle with the merchandise. I wander aimlessly. I don't get paid unless I do massage, any massage. Yeah, I know there will be some swing time. It's ok too. And it's better than coming up with $450.00 which I don't have, just to do less than nothing.
I really like the new situation, and the new people. It is fun to get to hang out with girls again. It is fun to get to dress in something besides tee shirts and jeans, AND it is really nice to get my hair done whenever I want it! WooHoo! Lovin that one!!
On the home front, we are dog-less. I finally had to call it quits with her. Maya was just not the companion I had hoped for. She was a little south of crazy and I think a serious candidate for puppy prozac. After all, aren't they supposed to get calmer as they grow? Every day with her was a new adventure into what she would destroy of mine. The last straw was my briefcase with ALL my credentials, client information, lists, .... just everything.... yes, the bitch shredded it.
I am not a dog person.
I am a cat person. Hell my husband even says I act like one. Ha. Oh well... at least I am not a hyperactive mutt.
Son #4 is going on his first overnight at a friends house. Damn I remember being nine years old and having sleep overs. How fun was that?! So this is it tho... my last baby is doing what he is supposed to, growing up, moving on, I wonder, will I have a trauma filled night like I did when he got on the bus for the first time? Nah... I am a tough mother.
:) what bullshit.....
I really like the new situation, and the new people. It is fun to get to hang out with girls again. It is fun to get to dress in something besides tee shirts and jeans, AND it is really nice to get my hair done whenever I want it! WooHoo! Lovin that one!!
On the home front, we are dog-less. I finally had to call it quits with her. Maya was just not the companion I had hoped for. She was a little south of crazy and I think a serious candidate for puppy prozac. After all, aren't they supposed to get calmer as they grow? Every day with her was a new adventure into what she would destroy of mine. The last straw was my briefcase with ALL my credentials, client information, lists, .... just everything.... yes, the bitch shredded it.
I am not a dog person.
I am a cat person. Hell my husband even says I act like one. Ha. Oh well... at least I am not a hyperactive mutt.
Son #4 is going on his first overnight at a friends house. Damn I remember being nine years old and having sleep overs. How fun was that?! So this is it tho... my last baby is doing what he is supposed to, growing up, moving on, I wonder, will I have a trauma filled night like I did when he got on the bus for the first time? Nah... I am a tough mother.
:) what bullshit.....
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I remember....
I was reading Acidman this morning and it sparked a memory of my own regarding driving a stick shift automobile. I learned on my dad's Chevy One Ton truck. That hummer had 454 under the hood and way more power than a teenage girl should know about. Damn it's no wonder no one would ride with me while I learned. They just took me out in the middle of a field and said, "Go." Only took a little while to get it.
I wonder... will most of today's children ever even know what it is like to drive a 454? Probably not. What a shame.
Another memory I have of overly high powered vehicles.... I was 17, dating the fool I would marry (for 17 years mind you), and he had basically the same truck only lighter, built to tow something. When you are a kid growing up in a Very Rural Area, you get away with a lot of crap. His truck would lay black marks clean across the four lane highway before you got to second gear. I liberated his truck from him one night after a ballgame, was onery as hell, got caught by the cops, returned his truck before they could find me for sure, slid out of the drivers seat before they came around the corner, and smiled like the innocent child I was.
Well I was. No, really!
So? He didn't get a ticket....
But someone should have.
I wonder... will most of today's children ever even know what it is like to drive a 454? Probably not. What a shame.
Another memory I have of overly high powered vehicles.... I was 17, dating the fool I would marry (for 17 years mind you), and he had basically the same truck only lighter, built to tow something. When you are a kid growing up in a Very Rural Area, you get away with a lot of crap. His truck would lay black marks clean across the four lane highway before you got to second gear. I liberated his truck from him one night after a ballgame, was onery as hell, got caught by the cops, returned his truck before they could find me for sure, slid out of the drivers seat before they came around the corner, and smiled like the innocent child I was.
Well I was. No, really!
So? He didn't get a ticket....
But someone should have.
Monday, March 27, 2006
catching up
Yes, it has been a long time since I posted. From the looks of it, almost everyone that was becoming a regular reader has left. .... Such is the life of a writer...wannabe...
Newsworthy notes include the moving of the business, the trip to Vegas, the hailstorm that pummelled my cars, and the fact you can come real close on insurance totalling your car and they still don't do it.
First up... moving the business. I am moving my business to a salon here in town. K is giving me an amazing cut as opposed to rent and it still is MY business. In business circles, it was a great decision, but in the office when I told my current slum lord I was leaving he blew a gasket. I tried to explain that coming up with $450 a month when you don't have clients was like bleeding a turnip, but he just ranted and raved at me for a couple hours about shit that had NOTHING to do with me.
Damn it. A~! Get over it! He would have done the same thing in my shoes.
The hail storm. It happened Sunday before I flew out. There was absolutely no warning this was coming, and suddenly the sky did that "turn green" thing and golf balls fell on my pretty little Honda and the van that has served us without fail for 10 years. Now I have $4000 worth of damage on the Honda, and the van was $4.75 short of being totalled.
Guess it is about time we clean out the garage to park cars.
Next on the list... Vegas!!! Oh let's just say Vegas never gets worse, only freakier. I went to my first Vegas show, Zumanity, which was amazing. I ate at Tao's.... the total bill for 4 of us was over $500... thank goodness my travel companion picked up the tab! I had my first "spa" massage which was wretched. I felt like I had been hammered on for 80 minutes. The therapist told me it was a relaxing massage and proceeded to literally hit me with open fists and that was the sum total of the massage. The tab for that puppy was $215! Our total bill at Four Seasons was $1500 for four people. Once again, Thank Goodness that tab was picked up by my travel companion.
I didn't actually go to Vegas to play. I went to learn Lomi Lomi (Hawaiian Temple Massage) and it was completely awesome. The Hawaiians traditionally use it for rituals, and you can have some pretty amazing results emotionally with this modality. Hopefully I will get to use it here... because I love it! If you really let go and get into the moment of the massage, you come out the other end of it just in love with the entire world.
More to come....
Newsworthy notes include the moving of the business, the trip to Vegas, the hailstorm that pummelled my cars, and the fact you can come real close on insurance totalling your car and they still don't do it.
First up... moving the business. I am moving my business to a salon here in town. K is giving me an amazing cut as opposed to rent and it still is MY business. In business circles, it was a great decision, but in the office when I told my current slum lord I was leaving he blew a gasket. I tried to explain that coming up with $450 a month when you don't have clients was like bleeding a turnip, but he just ranted and raved at me for a couple hours about shit that had NOTHING to do with me.
Damn it. A~! Get over it! He would have done the same thing in my shoes.
The hail storm. It happened Sunday before I flew out. There was absolutely no warning this was coming, and suddenly the sky did that "turn green" thing and golf balls fell on my pretty little Honda and the van that has served us without fail for 10 years. Now I have $4000 worth of damage on the Honda, and the van was $4.75 short of being totalled.
Guess it is about time we clean out the garage to park cars.
Next on the list... Vegas!!! Oh let's just say Vegas never gets worse, only freakier. I went to my first Vegas show, Zumanity, which was amazing. I ate at Tao's.... the total bill for 4 of us was over $500... thank goodness my travel companion picked up the tab! I had my first "spa" massage which was wretched. I felt like I had been hammered on for 80 minutes. The therapist told me it was a relaxing massage and proceeded to literally hit me with open fists and that was the sum total of the massage. The tab for that puppy was $215! Our total bill at Four Seasons was $1500 for four people. Once again, Thank Goodness that tab was picked up by my travel companion.
I didn't actually go to Vegas to play. I went to learn Lomi Lomi (Hawaiian Temple Massage) and it was completely awesome. The Hawaiians traditionally use it for rituals, and you can have some pretty amazing results emotionally with this modality. Hopefully I will get to use it here... because I love it! If you really let go and get into the moment of the massage, you come out the other end of it just in love with the entire world.
More to come....
Sunday, February 26, 2006
The Test.
We were supposed to meet for breakfast at 7:30 and leave to the testing site around 9:15ish. Sounds like a really workable deal right? well........
Traffic was wretched. I had to detour on 95th and drive halfway across town instead of just taking 435 to Metcalf. Fine, I called B~ and told him I was running late, no problem, I would be at LePeep's around 8 or so. Not too much off schedule. Still time to eat and relax before ... before... ~the test~.
No sooner did I get off the phone with B~ than S~ called me. She was stuck on 71 hwy south of the Triangle. Now, if you know KC traffic, it might (honestly) take you two hours to get through there after a wreck. It's that bad. She was stressing to the max. This delightful soul is from Southern Cal, so she really had that whole road rage feeling with her. Not that KC folk aren't road-ragers, but it was bad that day.
I got there around 8:15. S~ was still stuck. She finally arrived around 8:40. Fortunately we had ordered for her so she still got breakfast. Conversation was about anything except the test. We all kept saying we were ready, more than prepared, and just wanted it over. We lied. We were all nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
After we all finally found the testing site, I was the first in the door. The little twit that identified me as me, locked up my possessions, led me into a room lined with computers and pointed. I sat like an obedient child. He didn't tell me anything. Not when to start, not how to indicate I was finished, nothing. I was confused, but just started clicking through the questions on the screen, hoping I was doing it right. My test time was supposed to be at 10 a.m. It was only 9:45. Oh well, forgivness is better than permission right? I kept clicking.
The questions were not has hard as I expected. I had apparently studied the right material after all. Maybe? Since it was a timed test, I kept checking the little clock on the puter screen. Crap... was I going too fast? I had over two and a half hours and I was only about 45 minutes into it. OMG. I just knew this must be too easy.
Now is where my body really started messing with my mind. I got the yawns on a world-class scale. Then my eyes started watering. Then I started itching. Then I got the fidgets. Then my neck ached. Then my hand with the responsiblity of clicking stopped receiving blood flow. It felt like ice.
Everyone told me to take the first response that came to mine. Don't double guess. Don't review. Don't change answers. I still marked a few questions because I just didn't know. I did review them, however I only changed one answer.
As I stood to leave, S~ was leaving at the same time. I walked into the room where the uninformative twit was monitoring us and waited for my results. S~ got hers first and left the room. I retrieved my possessions and he handed me the piece of paper that would decide the rest of my life.
It was like I had had a stroke. Or I had been dropped on the Russian continent. I looked at this paper and could not comprehend anything. It looked like white paper with black crap all over it. I couldn't read at all. My mind was screaming, "What's this? What does it say? Where are the results? Oh shit I can't read any of this!".
Then I saw it. The word "PASS".
I walked out of the room and S~ was waiting on the rest of us. I just started bawling. I couldn't ask her if she passed. I wanted/didn't want to know. We three had so much riding on this with the Vegas Lomi Lomi trip coming in two weeks, jobs pending on passing NCE, and months of preparation.
She cried too as we hugged and then we saw B~ come out. The look on his face was enough to know his result.
So post-test has become really interesting. I have found it to be like coming down from an extremely traumatic event. And why wouldn't it be? We just weren't prepared for the mental side of national testing. School will tell you how do deal with test anxiety, but they never mention long term stuff. They don't teach you to be kind to yourself afterward... they don't tell you it takes days before your brain will really grip what you have just been through. They don't tell you that the days following are just as drama filled and the days preceding. They don't talk to you how you feel if you pass and they don't teach you how to deal with it if you fail.
Now I hope for my friends too all pass. I want them to know I understand the stress they are under. I have such a different perspective than I had a week ago.
The lesson I learned from all this? Self pressurization is the most horrible pressure imaginable. You can quit a pressurized job. You can walk away from a pressurized relationship. You can't leave yourself.
Be kind to yourself. It's more important than most anything else. Lesson learned.
Traffic was wretched. I had to detour on 95th and drive halfway across town instead of just taking 435 to Metcalf. Fine, I called B~ and told him I was running late, no problem, I would be at LePeep's around 8 or so. Not too much off schedule. Still time to eat and relax before ... before... ~the test~.
No sooner did I get off the phone with B~ than S~ called me. She was stuck on 71 hwy south of the Triangle. Now, if you know KC traffic, it might (honestly) take you two hours to get through there after a wreck. It's that bad. She was stressing to the max. This delightful soul is from Southern Cal, so she really had that whole road rage feeling with her. Not that KC folk aren't road-ragers, but it was bad that day.
I got there around 8:15. S~ was still stuck. She finally arrived around 8:40. Fortunately we had ordered for her so she still got breakfast. Conversation was about anything except the test. We all kept saying we were ready, more than prepared, and just wanted it over. We lied. We were all nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
After we all finally found the testing site, I was the first in the door. The little twit that identified me as me, locked up my possessions, led me into a room lined with computers and pointed. I sat like an obedient child. He didn't tell me anything. Not when to start, not how to indicate I was finished, nothing. I was confused, but just started clicking through the questions on the screen, hoping I was doing it right. My test time was supposed to be at 10 a.m. It was only 9:45. Oh well, forgivness is better than permission right? I kept clicking.
The questions were not has hard as I expected. I had apparently studied the right material after all. Maybe? Since it was a timed test, I kept checking the little clock on the puter screen. Crap... was I going too fast? I had over two and a half hours and I was only about 45 minutes into it. OMG. I just knew this must be too easy.
Now is where my body really started messing with my mind. I got the yawns on a world-class scale. Then my eyes started watering. Then I started itching. Then I got the fidgets. Then my neck ached. Then my hand with the responsiblity of clicking stopped receiving blood flow. It felt like ice.
Everyone told me to take the first response that came to mine. Don't double guess. Don't review. Don't change answers. I still marked a few questions because I just didn't know. I did review them, however I only changed one answer.
As I stood to leave, S~ was leaving at the same time. I walked into the room where the uninformative twit was monitoring us and waited for my results. S~ got hers first and left the room. I retrieved my possessions and he handed me the piece of paper that would decide the rest of my life.
It was like I had had a stroke. Or I had been dropped on the Russian continent. I looked at this paper and could not comprehend anything. It looked like white paper with black crap all over it. I couldn't read at all. My mind was screaming, "What's this? What does it say? Where are the results? Oh shit I can't read any of this!".
Then I saw it. The word "PASS".
I walked out of the room and S~ was waiting on the rest of us. I just started bawling. I couldn't ask her if she passed. I wanted/didn't want to know. We three had so much riding on this with the Vegas Lomi Lomi trip coming in two weeks, jobs pending on passing NCE, and months of preparation.
She cried too as we hugged and then we saw B~ come out. The look on his face was enough to know his result.
So post-test has become really interesting. I have found it to be like coming down from an extremely traumatic event. And why wouldn't it be? We just weren't prepared for the mental side of national testing. School will tell you how do deal with test anxiety, but they never mention long term stuff. They don't teach you to be kind to yourself afterward... they don't tell you it takes days before your brain will really grip what you have just been through. They don't tell you that the days following are just as drama filled and the days preceding. They don't talk to you how you feel if you pass and they don't teach you how to deal with it if you fail.
Now I hope for my friends too all pass. I want them to know I understand the stress they are under. I have such a different perspective than I had a week ago.
The lesson I learned from all this? Self pressurization is the most horrible pressure imaginable. You can quit a pressurized job. You can walk away from a pressurized relationship. You can't leave yourself.
Be kind to yourself. It's more important than most anything else. Lesson learned.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I PASSED!!!
Yes that's right. I am now a Nationally Certified Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork professional.
Licensed and Certified!
Whew. I'm alive.
I don't think it has all sunk in yet, although I have laughed with my friends, cried with my friends and shared a two margarita lunch with my friends, and that was just today!
I will tell more later. Right now I am listening to the radio www.kkfi.org as my hubby and his band are being auctioned for charity.
What a Thursday!
Licensed and Certified!
Whew. I'm alive.
I don't think it has all sunk in yet, although I have laughed with my friends, cried with my friends and shared a two margarita lunch with my friends, and that was just today!
I will tell more later. Right now I am listening to the radio www.kkfi.org as my hubby and his band are being auctioned for charity.
What a Thursday!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Tomorrow..or not
Tomorrow is it. The final day. The last chance. The end of the road. The wall. The rock and a hard spot. The future. Or not.
Tomorrow I take the NCE. National Certification Examination for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork. Tomorrow a computer with random questions pulled from a pool of 2000 questions will tell me if I can practice. Tomorrow some anonymous piece of paper will allow me to continue on my quest to publicly practice the art of assisted healing. Or not.
Am I nervous? My hands are cold, my feet are cold, I shake uncontrollably for no reason at all at times, my intestinal tract hates me, AND my newest challenge of Adult onset ADHD is kicking in with a vengence.
(I think that is a yes) (or not)
Yeah, I know I can apply and take the NCE again if I fail. I just don't want to fork up another $250 because they say so. Wouldn't a practicum be a better scale to decide on a touch-based profession?
Oh well, wish me luck. I plan to spend today just attempting to relax.
Kinda. ;)
Tomorrow I take the NCE. National Certification Examination for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork. Tomorrow a computer with random questions pulled from a pool of 2000 questions will tell me if I can practice. Tomorrow some anonymous piece of paper will allow me to continue on my quest to publicly practice the art of assisted healing. Or not.
Am I nervous? My hands are cold, my feet are cold, I shake uncontrollably for no reason at all at times, my intestinal tract hates me, AND my newest challenge of Adult onset ADHD is kicking in with a vengence.
(I think that is a yes) (or not)
Yeah, I know I can apply and take the NCE again if I fail. I just don't want to fork up another $250 because they say so. Wouldn't a practicum be a better scale to decide on a touch-based profession?
Oh well, wish me luck. I plan to spend today just attempting to relax.
Kinda. ;)
Friday, February 17, 2006
Geez. The crap you read on the net.
My mind just boggles when I think about the crap I have read over the past few days. OMG. The human race is going to hell on a fast commuter train. Really.
One of my daily reads had a site with the worlds longest shit. oh ... it defies the imagination, and more than that.... WHY?????????????? gross. Just gross. Worse than gross... why the fuck did I look? I am scarred for life.
The flap about the VP shootin' his bud on a hunting trip. I mean really. Shit happens. We ALL know I am not ( or should I say no longer) a devout platform thumpin' Republican, however, have you ever been hunting? For god sakes man... ALWAYS announce yourself when you rejoin the line. Cheney didn't do a damn thing wrong. It was an Accident! Get over it. Would it be do damn dramatic if he rear-ended someone? Yeah, I know he won't be driving himself anywhere anytime soon, but lets just get some perspective here.... and tell all those damn reporters who have NO idea what a hunt is like to shut the f.... up.
(I can say that because I AM a reporter, formerly).
Still studying for the test. Still finding eight thousand ways to not study for the test. I wonder. Do I have ADHD ? If I was eight and needed to study they would drug me so I could.
It sucks to be an adult.
One of my daily reads had a site with the worlds longest shit. oh ... it defies the imagination, and more than that.... WHY?????????????? gross. Just gross. Worse than gross... why the fuck did I look? I am scarred for life.
The flap about the VP shootin' his bud on a hunting trip. I mean really. Shit happens. We ALL know I am not ( or should I say no longer) a devout platform thumpin' Republican, however, have you ever been hunting? For god sakes man... ALWAYS announce yourself when you rejoin the line. Cheney didn't do a damn thing wrong. It was an Accident! Get over it. Would it be do damn dramatic if he rear-ended someone? Yeah, I know he won't be driving himself anywhere anytime soon, but lets just get some perspective here.... and tell all those damn reporters who have NO idea what a hunt is like to shut the f.... up.
(I can say that because I AM a reporter, formerly).
Still studying for the test. Still finding eight thousand ways to not study for the test. I wonder. Do I have ADHD ? If I was eight and needed to study they would drug me so I could.
It sucks to be an adult.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
You should see what is on my table. Sweet Hubby brought me home a dozen red roses yesterday for Valentine's day. They are really amazing. Almost three feet tall over all, they look like red explosives coming out of a cloud of baby's breath.
Steven, ya did good. :)
So the studying continues. Test is next week. I really need to get some focus with it. I can't help myself, and it's making me a bit nutty. I study and then I get sidetracked on trying to build the business. Talk about your proverbial circle.
Build the business, but don't pass the test, then you won't have to build the business.
Pass the test but don't build the business, don't pay this months rent because you have no business and a pointless test result.
DAMN.
Just a few more days.
Anyone want to help me study?
Steven, ya did good. :)
So the studying continues. Test is next week. I really need to get some focus with it. I can't help myself, and it's making me a bit nutty. I study and then I get sidetracked on trying to build the business. Talk about your proverbial circle.
Build the business, but don't pass the test, then you won't have to build the business.
Pass the test but don't build the business, don't pay this months rent because you have no business and a pointless test result.
DAMN.
Just a few more days.
Anyone want to help me study?
Ponderables
1. It's OK to laugh during sex - just don't point .
2. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
3. Is there life before coffee? Yes, but not on my planet.
4. Some people live life in the fast lane , when you start your own business you live in oncoming traffic!
5. Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice Doggie!"... until you can find a rock .
6. eja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before
7. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on .
8. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
Snitched from Menopausal Bi-Polar Witch Babbling, and emblished by yours truly.
2. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
3. Is there life before coffee? Yes, but not on my planet.
4. Some people live life in the fast lane , when you start your own business you live in oncoming traffic!
5. Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice Doggie!"... until you can find a rock .
6. eja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before
7. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on .
8. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
Snitched from Menopausal Bi-Polar Witch Babbling, and emblished by yours truly.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Lessons from email.... Thanks Sandy!
Subject: The Wooden Bowl
The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law,and four-year
old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and
his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.
But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the
glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled
milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There,Grandfather
ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather
had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear
in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him
were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper,
the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked
the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy
responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your
food in when I grow up" The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears
started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!
I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about .......I just did.
Ok, I know all this wisdom you just read is a copy of an email. But there are some pretty powerful statements in there, and a couple of those just ring in my head when I think about them.
For instance: "Sometimes life gives you a second chance." I am the poster child for second chances. After loosing my house, my marriage, and my entire social safety net, I can still say I have a good life now. Sure, I am living on nothing, trying to fund a business venture, and at times even buying milk and bread with a credit card, but I have another house, another relationship with a man I adore, I have all my children, and I can have a rational conversation with my ex if necessary. Second chances. This one also goes with "making a living is not making a life", as well as the catchers mitt thing.
"When I have pains it does not mean I have to be one." Whew!. After being on Vicoden for a year and seeing life from the other side of that.... well... hell yeah. I was a real pain while I was in pain and addicted. Do you think I could see it? Nope. I didn't even know I was addicted! I just knew the pills made it (the pain) not matter. Someday I will have to write about that.
It is just amazing and a testament to ~S~ that he stayed through the ordeal. I didn't understand a lot of things as I viewed the world through a narcotic haze, but they are clear now. And it has given me an entirely different view, or maybe a new level of toleration/understanding to my friends currently dealing with similar stuff.
I just hope I have raised my children with passion and enough compassion they will never feed me from a wooden bowl.
The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law,and four-year
old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and
his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.
But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the
glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled
milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There,Grandfather
ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather
had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear
in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him
were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper,
the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked
the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy
responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your
food in when I grow up" The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears
started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!
I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about .......I just did.
Ok, I know all this wisdom you just read is a copy of an email. But there are some pretty powerful statements in there, and a couple of those just ring in my head when I think about them.
For instance: "Sometimes life gives you a second chance." I am the poster child for second chances. After loosing my house, my marriage, and my entire social safety net, I can still say I have a good life now. Sure, I am living on nothing, trying to fund a business venture, and at times even buying milk and bread with a credit card, but I have another house, another relationship with a man I adore, I have all my children, and I can have a rational conversation with my ex if necessary. Second chances. This one also goes with "making a living is not making a life", as well as the catchers mitt thing.
"When I have pains it does not mean I have to be one." Whew!. After being on Vicoden for a year and seeing life from the other side of that.... well... hell yeah. I was a real pain while I was in pain and addicted. Do you think I could see it? Nope. I didn't even know I was addicted! I just knew the pills made it (the pain) not matter. Someday I will have to write about that.
It is just amazing and a testament to ~S~ that he stayed through the ordeal. I didn't understand a lot of things as I viewed the world through a narcotic haze, but they are clear now. And it has given me an entirely different view, or maybe a new level of toleration/understanding to my friends currently dealing with similar stuff.
I just hope I have raised my children with passion and enough compassion they will never feed me from a wooden bowl.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
15 days
Fifteen little days left until the (large cavernous sound please) Big Test. I study, study, study, and still Aruvedic and Chinese Meridian continue to eat my lunch. Ya think seven little chakras would not be such a big deal. Ok, so I get that part, but the kapha, pitta, bla bla bla..... Not to mention which meridian starts on your nose and ends on your toe... DAMN! If I don't pass, these are the reasons.
Company a week ago was fun! Dear Oscar has/hasn't changed. Quieter than "normal", but still "O". btw... still waiting on those B&W pics. ~wink~ *nudge*
Had a real meltdown a couple of days ago. It's the whole scorpio curse. Even went so far as to try to get a job working nights just to have $$ coming in. My financial hemmorhage really has got to stop. ... but I didn't start working somewhere else... and I got a couple new clients this week.
I know. I hear ya. But really I hate that plumber that took a cool $1800 from me. And the more I think about it, the more I feel ripped off. He "worked" less than a full 8 hours even tho he and his little monkey were here two days. Other than unload the massive back-hoe and dig a hole, plus jack-hammer the crap out of my basement floor, he didn't do a damn thing to warrent that much of my hard earned moola. That much money would have carried me through 4 months of rent. Or two mortgage payments. Or a FanTastic vacation. Or a year of groceries. Or, ... or... or.....
That plumber is the spawn of the devil. I am sure of it.
And his butt crack showed.
I wonder, is that a requirement when you study the trade? "Must have the ability to have your pants slide down past the top of your butt crack with a belt on."
Thank my lucky stars I am an MT. For a while at least.
Company a week ago was fun! Dear Oscar has/hasn't changed. Quieter than "normal", but still "O". btw... still waiting on those B&W pics. ~wink~ *nudge*
Had a real meltdown a couple of days ago. It's the whole scorpio curse. Even went so far as to try to get a job working nights just to have $$ coming in. My financial hemmorhage really has got to stop. ... but I didn't start working somewhere else... and I got a couple new clients this week.
I know. I hear ya. But really I hate that plumber that took a cool $1800 from me. And the more I think about it, the more I feel ripped off. He "worked" less than a full 8 hours even tho he and his little monkey were here two days. Other than unload the massive back-hoe and dig a hole, plus jack-hammer the crap out of my basement floor, he didn't do a damn thing to warrent that much of my hard earned moola. That much money would have carried me through 4 months of rent. Or two mortgage payments. Or a FanTastic vacation. Or a year of groceries. Or, ... or... or.....
That plumber is the spawn of the devil. I am sure of it.
And his butt crack showed.
I wonder, is that a requirement when you study the trade? "Must have the ability to have your pants slide down past the top of your butt crack with a belt on."
Thank my lucky stars I am an MT. For a while at least.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
I love these things...
| You Are a Visionary Soul |
 You have great vision and can be very insightful.In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul |
href="What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
It's February!!!
Somebody, please, tell my neighbor it is February!? Right this minute he is outside VACCUUMING his grass. Yes. Vaccuuming. His grass. With his leaf blower. omg... is this what OCD is? Next thing I know he will probably be doing it in his speedo.
Eeww... just the mental picture is too much to deal with.
It's gonna be a long looong warm season.
Eeww... just the mental picture is too much to deal with.
It's gonna be a long looong warm season.
Friday, January 27, 2006
I'm so proud!
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny.
You must be so proud
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by
Havin' company...
Yes, I am having company this weekend. It is kinda cool actually. We haven't had anyone over just to hang with us since the legendary wedding weekend a year and a half ago. I admit it, I am kinda excited about it.
Scott and I have been friends for quite a while, and in fact, my last child wears his name as his middle moniker. I don't think I ever told my ex that I was naming baby boy after someone... but Scott is like the little brother I never got to have. So nyaaa....... He and I have a unique relationship in the fact we laugh like idiots the entire time we are around each other. It was always that way. I think it will be cool to have him here for the weekend.
I called him last night to see what his plans were for the weekend.. and in typical fashion he said... "uhhh.. nothing?".
.. Scott. Dude. Somebody's gotta get a game plan here. All I know is he wants to get a new camera, and he wants to go to the Apple store and get a new ipod. And I am dragging his ass to the gig on Saturday night down at Blayney's. Other than that? I just might sit and drink coffee, reinforce my bad habits, and ignore him.
ha. just kidding. But really. If he is family, you get that right don'tcha?
Well, don'tcha??
Scott and I have been friends for quite a while, and in fact, my last child wears his name as his middle moniker. I don't think I ever told my ex that I was naming baby boy after someone... but Scott is like the little brother I never got to have. So nyaaa....... He and I have a unique relationship in the fact we laugh like idiots the entire time we are around each other. It was always that way. I think it will be cool to have him here for the weekend.
I called him last night to see what his plans were for the weekend.. and in typical fashion he said... "uhhh.. nothing?".
.. Scott. Dude. Somebody's gotta get a game plan here. All I know is he wants to get a new camera, and he wants to go to the Apple store and get a new ipod. And I am dragging his ass to the gig on Saturday night down at Blayney's. Other than that? I just might sit and drink coffee, reinforce my bad habits, and ignore him.
ha. just kidding. But really. If he is family, you get that right don'tcha?
Well, don'tcha??
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The trouble with What??
Is it just me, or has the scientific world slipped a cog in regards to this Newsweek article? While surfing Jaboobie I found this info and honestly just sat and shook my head. I mean come On! Who can't figure out boys NEED physical activity to just be "a productive part of society"? Jaboobie says it pretty good himself.
Ok, so I do have a leg up (apparently) on this so called 'scientific study'. Being the mother of four boys plus self inflicted mother to many others calling my boys family, I would have killed them all myself if they hadn't played and played hard several times a day.
It's true (and not just because Newsweek finally said so) that boys are wired differently. My god. Who would want boys to be just like girls? Boys approach the task with a different goal in mind. Every time. First off, as little men, they don't want to play unless they can eat it or beat it up. As their little male psyches grow, they don't want to play unless they can eat it or feel it up. Eventually it rounds out to just eating. Why the hell do you think women are taught the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?
Well duh.
Maybe I should apply for a grant to study boys. I got a great start. One of my "boys" just signed to play Pro Football. Now. Do you think he functioned well being told to sit still and be quiet?
uuuhh..... no. He is a boy.
My oldest son is a firefighter. He climbs mountains all day long, sleeps out in the woods, and runs 20 miles a day in the off season. Think he did well when I told him to be quiet?
uuuhh..... no. Very much a boy.
jezzus people. Study something worth while, not something known since pre-biblical times.
Ok, so I do have a leg up (apparently) on this so called 'scientific study'. Being the mother of four boys plus self inflicted mother to many others calling my boys family, I would have killed them all myself if they hadn't played and played hard several times a day.
It's true (and not just because Newsweek finally said so) that boys are wired differently. My god. Who would want boys to be just like girls? Boys approach the task with a different goal in mind. Every time. First off, as little men, they don't want to play unless they can eat it or beat it up. As their little male psyches grow, they don't want to play unless they can eat it or feel it up. Eventually it rounds out to just eating. Why the hell do you think women are taught the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?
Well duh.
Maybe I should apply for a grant to study boys. I got a great start. One of my "boys" just signed to play Pro Football. Now. Do you think he functioned well being told to sit still and be quiet?
uuuhh..... no. He is a boy.
My oldest son is a firefighter. He climbs mountains all day long, sleeps out in the woods, and runs 20 miles a day in the off season. Think he did well when I told him to be quiet?
uuuhh..... no. Very much a boy.
jezzus people. Study something worth while, not something known since pre-biblical times.
D-Day has been scheduled.
February 23 will be my D-day. The jury is still out as to the definition of "D".
It could mean D-elightful.
It could mean D-iasterous.
It definitely means D-angerous (professionally speaking).
That is the day I am scheduled to take my National Certification Exam. To be a practicing MT in the state of Missouri, you must pass the NCE. If I don't pass, I have to come up with yet ANOTHER $250.00 and take the exam again... so basically, no pass, no practice. I have hit the financial wall with this crap and to come up with more money without the clients to fund this little expedition would be harder than hell.
Where is my sugar daddy when I need him? Can't you just hear the conversation now?
"no really, all I need is a couple 4 grand to pay off everything and I will be good."
"So you want more money? MORE?"
as she bats her eyes... "but .... aren't I worth it?"
Shit. I need to win the lottery.
It could mean D-elightful.
It could mean D-iasterous.
It definitely means D-angerous (professionally speaking).
That is the day I am scheduled to take my National Certification Exam. To be a practicing MT in the state of Missouri, you must pass the NCE. If I don't pass, I have to come up with yet ANOTHER $250.00 and take the exam again... so basically, no pass, no practice. I have hit the financial wall with this crap and to come up with more money without the clients to fund this little expedition would be harder than hell.
Where is my sugar daddy when I need him? Can't you just hear the conversation now?
"no really, all I need is a couple 4 grand to pay off everything and I will be good."
"So you want more money? MORE?"
as she bats her eyes... "but .... aren't I worth it?"
Shit. I need to win the lottery.
What? Really??
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com |
So does being a massage therapist qualify as sociology?
whoda thunk it.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Thinking....
Just got off the phone with my daughter. She told me (excitedly) about standing in line today at her college to get tickets to see dear ol' dubya in action. I'm just not sure how to feel about that one. She was pretty happy about it all.
Oh holy shit. I have raised a Republican.
Now that I put some thought on it, three of my five are pretty solidly in the Republican camp.
In all honestly, I spent the majority of my life as a card-carrying-kiss-my-ass Republican myself. It's just recently I have begun to question party politics. And usually? Most of my questions come up either unanswered or the answers disgust me.
Yeah, I need more tequila to think about this one.
Have fun Sarah! It is a once in a lifetime opportunity after all. Even if dubya just makes you laugh, you are still watching the leader of the free world (?).
Oh holy shit. I have raised a Republican.
Now that I put some thought on it, three of my five are pretty solidly in the Republican camp.
In all honestly, I spent the majority of my life as a card-carrying-kiss-my-ass Republican myself. It's just recently I have begun to question party politics. And usually? Most of my questions come up either unanswered or the answers disgust me.
Yeah, I need more tequila to think about this one.
Have fun Sarah! It is a once in a lifetime opportunity after all. Even if dubya just makes you laugh, you are still watching the leader of the free world (?).
Yoga is gooood...
I did the yoga thing this morning. I actually liked it! It's not physically hard, but it does show you how and where your physical weaknesses are. Plus, it did quiet my screaming mind. I found myself better centered, then I immediately started making phone calls to prospect for new clients.
They all said yes.
~doin' the happy dance~
Looks like the Massage Therapy business might just pan out after all. Hubby says enjoy these days of leisure. Soon enough I will be crying for a vacation. He's right, although I could take a vacation at the drop of a hat for no reason at all.
Just because I want to. :)
They all said yes.
~doin' the happy dance~
Looks like the Massage Therapy business might just pan out after all. Hubby says enjoy these days of leisure. Soon enough I will be crying for a vacation. He's right, although I could take a vacation at the drop of a hat for no reason at all.
Just because I want to. :)
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Another blank screen
sucks. I am sitting here wondering wtf to write...again...there isn't much going on here. The business is ... well let's just say I am learning another lesson in patience. Hubby says that will be my biggest challenge in life. He's probably right. I am not patient. At all. See no reason for it.
Well duh. Yet another lesson on my path to enlightenment. So I'm thinkin' yoga might help. You know, quiet the old mind thing. Let ~shit~ come to you from the ethers. demmit. I wonder if any Scorpio is good at patience? I still have to meet one if that's possible. The gods know I'm not, my mom isn't, my first love wasn't (now There's a story!), my middle middle son isn't. No. I haven't met one. Must be a karmic impossibility.
I almost gave up the pooch last week. She got into the trash can right after I cleaned my kitchen floor. I nearly lost my mind over that one. It was like the last straw. I banished her to the back yard for two days. I even found someone who really wants her. Then I felt guilty, remembered all the cute things she does, appreciated her for being a bad ass German Shepard with a heart of gold, and let her back in. I suck. I need to be meaner. ;)
Or more patient.
Well duh. Yet another lesson on my path to enlightenment. So I'm thinkin' yoga might help. You know, quiet the old mind thing. Let ~shit~ come to you from the ethers. demmit. I wonder if any Scorpio is good at patience? I still have to meet one if that's possible. The gods know I'm not, my mom isn't, my first love wasn't (now There's a story!), my middle middle son isn't. No. I haven't met one. Must be a karmic impossibility.
I almost gave up the pooch last week. She got into the trash can right after I cleaned my kitchen floor. I nearly lost my mind over that one. It was like the last straw. I banished her to the back yard for two days. I even found someone who really wants her. Then I felt guilty, remembered all the cute things she does, appreciated her for being a bad ass German Shepard with a heart of gold, and let her back in. I suck. I need to be meaner. ;)
Or more patient.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sarah, this is for you
Yeah, you know why. And you are like me. I'm sorry and I'm proud all in the same breath. I just pray you find a strong man to handle the woman you've become. Never settle. Be the bitch you were born to be!by the way, I snatched this from http://www.grouchyoldcripple.com/ . Great site. I think I will add this to my daily reads.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
New Year, New Look
So here it is, my new look for the ole' net spot. I even figured out how to add links. I am pretty happy about that. Most of these people will probably never know I link to them, or even that I read them daily, but oh well. It's fun for me and thats what its all about, right? Yeah, you know it.
My business has been up for two weeks now. I sold my first package yesterday, (buy 8 massages, get two free) so I am pleased about that. At least I can make rent next month. Now I am back into marketing mode, and even though I do NOT like "selling" myself, the prospect of no longer worrying about how to pay the electric bill is pretty awesome.
Not much on my mind today. I have to follow up with yesterday's clients and stratigize more ways to get more clients. Lesson for this week? Thinking about your business is just as much work as working your business. Time consuming, tedious, and just plain exhausting. Anyone who has good advice about starting a business from scratch, please E me. I don't like re-inventing the wheel and am all about getting this going fast.
My business has been up for two weeks now. I sold my first package yesterday, (buy 8 massages, get two free) so I am pleased about that. At least I can make rent next month. Now I am back into marketing mode, and even though I do NOT like "selling" myself, the prospect of no longer worrying about how to pay the electric bill is pretty awesome.
Not much on my mind today. I have to follow up with yesterday's clients and stratigize more ways to get more clients. Lesson for this week? Thinking about your business is just as much work as working your business. Time consuming, tedious, and just plain exhausting. Anyone who has good advice about starting a business from scratch, please E me. I don't like re-inventing the wheel and am all about getting this going fast.
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